Adventurous and Beauteous Reader! If you could go back in time and change the outcome of a specific event in your life, what would it be?
I only thing I would change is when I was being molested for years by my cousin, I wish I wouldn’t have screamed like hell to the grownups in my life. I wish instead of protecting them, I protected myself.
Nope. Do I have regrets, sure, who doesn't? But, the things I've lived through has made me the strong independent woman I am today. And, for that, I'm grateful.
I had a torrid love affair with a narcissist before I understood exactly what a narcissist is. Turned my life upside down before I came to my senses.
“Can I give you two pieces of advice?
Floss your teeth.”
This regret above all others:
Early Saturday morning May 11, 1968, I was asleep in my college dormitory bed. In a dream I found myself in Arlington National Cemetery, adjacent to (for some reason) the Washington Monument, which was surrounded by flags on flagpoles. Lyndon Johnson's voice came over a loudspeaker, announcing that all the American flags in D.C. would fly at half-mast for another month.
In the cemetery I could see a line of dignitaries, including Robert McNamara, passing by a grave, just as people would line up to pass JFK's gravesite and the Eternal Flame in the early 60s.
I turned to a man beside me and said, “Well, someone really important must have died.”
He said, “It was your father.”
This came as a terrible shock. I cried out, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
He said, “They couldn’t reach you in time. You were at school.”
I woke up crying. I determined right then that I was going to call home that night -- Mother's Day was the next day -- and tell my dad how much I loved him.
Later that morning I went to the bank and wrote a check for several dollars in change for a call home on my dorm's pay phone (seriously, the idea seems quaint nowadays, but it was something you had to do).
But it being Saturday I spent the entire day fucking around with friends. Later that night I was having a pizza in town with a friend when I looked at the clock and saw that it was after 10pm and realized it was too late to call home. I decided to give a call in the morning.
The next morning I was fast asleep when I felt a hand on my shoulder and woke up. Will Terry, the school's chaplain (this was at Davidson College, a small Presbyterian school) asked me if he and the college's president could sit with me for a little while; I replied nervously, “Ok, so long as you don’t make it a habit.”
The college's president told me that my dad had had a heart attack that morning, that he’d been rushed to the hospital, but they weren’t able to save his life.
I’ve regretted not making that phone call the previous day ever since.
Wasted time involved with a toxic lover….my brain knew he was no good but my naive heart couldn’t let go.
I wish I had started therapy sooner. My dysfunctional family is still (more) so & I should have avoided them earlier. Oh and the tans. The stupid tans! Ah well. I look all right for 63. I have the best husband and daughters anyone could ever hope for. Plus a sweet Boston Terrier named Kiki.
I can't go back and change any of it. I'm happy with most of my decisions in life except for not telling my mom that her sister-in-law's brother abused me.
This is an easy one. I would say that I would go back and run the moment I met my cheating, lying, abusive, rapey ex, but if I did that, I wouldn’t have my amazing son. Soooo, I would just go back to the summer my son was conceived (two months before the wedding) and not go through with the wedding !!
I wish I would've believed in my own power much earlier, it would've changed so much but better late than never.
I used to think about this question a lot - especially after our family’s world collapsed and we went from $100K+ per year to a homeless family of five for a minute there.
Maybe I would never have left NFL Films? Maybe I’d have chosen a different school? Maybe I would’ve stopped for that yellow light so that truck didn’t left turn into us and leave me with a TBI? But then I think how every moment of my life is a Butterfly Effect for my family’s lives too. I wouldn’t want to do anything that would change how beautiful and perfect they are; just the way they are. And I wouldn’t want to rob from them the opportunities they’ve had to make their own mistakes which shaped their worlds. And if that leaves my left a little frayed and singed here or there, then it was my joy to take those hits instead of them. So when it comes to changing anything... I guess I’m good. 😊
No use doing what ifs. What’s done is done. Many lessons have been learned through good times, even more so in bad times.
There was this one guy on a Greek island when I was sixteen. That.
I wasted four years on a couple of loser guys I let into my home. Two years each. They were almost identical in their faults…. Unemployed with mental health issues but good in bed. I thought I could help them. It took me doing that twice to learn my lesson. Wish I had learned it the first time. Actually I wish I had been smart enough to avoid it altogether.
I like to think maybe there are multi-verses where every possible outcome is being played out. So, would I have married my h.s. honey only to find out he was a jerk to live with? In another universe I did not. I became a world-famous Broadway star. Or an Olympic figure skating choreographer. Possibly both.
If I reverted the most consequential and traumatic moment in my life, losing a parent at a young age, the I probably wouldn’t be here today. Also, that’s the plot of the new Flash movie. I won’t be time traveling anytime soon, so I guess I’m still here!