My Wily and Wonderful Confrères!
It’s admirable to spread around the $$$. What jobs do you personally hire your fellow humans to do for you?
Me? I like doing everything myself, everything —cleaning the Hovel, scrubbing the toilet, hauling bags of animal feed, shoveling the snow…..But when the illustrious Robbie Kaplan visits the Hovel with Jessica Bennett, The New York Times reporter, and Robbie pulls the handle off my kitchen sink…..and water spouts nearly to the ceiling….
. . . and Robbie, sprints to the basement, heaves open the storm door, finds the pipes, and, just like she stopped the White Supremacists and Nazis in Charlottsville turns off the water her own self, and Jessica, just like the hotshot line-dancer she is, with a wicked grin, climbs under the sink, and I (in the red boots—look how wet the floor is!) try to get the tap screwed on, and Robbie, having done her job, superintends . . .
I still needed to have my EXPERT handyman John Reddan come over and fix it.
I also hire humans to fix my computer, color my hair, slap the makeup on me for photos, change my oil, and care for Miss Havisham, Guff and Vagina T. Fireball when I am gone.
What about you, my luvs? The Conflabbians are the most ornery and independent bunch of outlaws I’ve ever run across in my life, but what do you pay your fellow humans to do?
I am off to the grocery to do the shopping, tingling all over with anticipation to see your brilliant, wild, common-sensical and unexpected answers!
My grandmother always advised me never to buy a house unless I could afford to hire a gardener. Taking her wisdom to heart, that's precisely what I did! Beautiful landscaping truly is the gift that keeps on giving. While I take pride in planting flowers myself, I wisely leave the lawn care to the experts to work their magic.
I’ve installed toilets, faucets, ceiling fans, and light fixtures. I’ve skim coated walls, pulled up carpeting and lifted rotted underlayment. I’ve replaced doorknobs, and dimmer switches, and the heating element inside my oven. I’ve bombed my house for fleas and painted more walls than Mexico could ever refuse to pay for. I’ve replaced sink drains, hung beadboard, removed vinyl tile and scraped up all the motherfricken adhesive it left behind. I’ve snaked clogged drains and installed shrink wrap on my windows and weatherstripping on my doors. I’ve steamed off wallpaper and hung new wallpaper, I’ve patched plaster cracks in the ceiling. I’ve repaired/rescreened porch screens and doors.
Phew! And it’s only Thursday….
(🤣)
Seriously, I do as much as I can on my own because repair folks are expensive, our funds are limited, and this house has scared away more than a few tradespeople.
What I will pay for is someone to service our boiler, (because it’s a beast, it’s finally paid for, and it’s beautiful, and I don’t know anything else about it) and we have our chimneys professionally cleaned every year because my husband doesn’t bounce like he used to, and I’m afraid of heights.