Your Toilet

My Wily and Wonderful Confrères!

It’s admirable to spread around the $$$. What jobs do you personally hire your fellow humans to do for you?

Me? I like doing everything myself, everything —cleaning the Hovel, scrubbing the toilet, hauling bags of animal feed, shoveling the snow…..But when the illustrious Robbie Kaplan visits the Hovel with Jessica Bennett, The New York Times reporter, and Robbie pulls the handle off my kitchen sink…..and water spouts nearly to the ceiling….

. . . and Robbie, sprints to the basement, heaves open the storm door, finds the pipes, and, just like she stopped the White Supremacists and Nazis in Charlottsville turns off the water her own self, and Jessica, just like the hotshot line-dancer she is, with a wicked grin, climbs under the sink, and I (in the red boots—look how wet the floor is!) try to get the tap screwed on, and Robbie, having done her job, superintends . . .

I still needed to have my EXPERT handyman John Reddan come over and fix it.