Billie- wife for 40 years-15 years older and centuries wiser
Rita -3 short wonderful years until her death
My present, incredible, wonderful, sexy love, lover for nearly 2 years -we have forsaken
All others, til death do us part. We are 84 and pray to the universe,to let us live,so we can love.
OMG! I’m so lucky to have had such wonderful women to love and to love me, and to be still healthy and able to spend hours each day making love two weeks each month. Please, let us live.
I wouldn’t be here—not like this, not as me—if it weren’t for a few wildly brilliant, deeply human women who stood with me as I clawed my way out from under the rubble of an authoritarian mother’s narcissism. I had 29 life-altering events to face down, and somehow, I’ve integrated more than half—because I wasn’t doing it alone.
My mentor and systemic coach Ulrike? A force of nature. She saw through every mask and still chose to walk beside me. My Alexander Technique coach Rebecca? She gave me back my spine—literally and metaphorically.
And lately, the light that’s been reaching me across the dark? Gloria Horton-Young, Mary L. Trump, and you, E. Jean. Each of you, in your own way, has reminded me what fierce clarity, grounded defiance, and unshakable self-trust can look like. You’ve been lighthouses. Not saviors—mirrors. Proof that it’s possible to speak truth, own joy, and refuse to shrink.
So who helped make me who I am? These women. These fires. These steady hands.
Nana did. My grandmother and I fell in love when I was born, and we stayed that way until she died at ninety-six. Thank G-d, as my mother never warmed to me.
When I was a baby writer I bravely reached out to a columnist I respected and whose work I adored and to my great surprise she not only said YES, she was an amazing interview and she encouraged me to keep going in my path to be a journalist. She didn't have to be so damn nice and to give me her time but she did. Her name is E. Jean Carroll. She showed me you can be talented, fascinating, fun, smart, goofy, absolutely determined, and above all, generous in spirit and time.
I lived in a convent in high school and was not very liked by my family. I had great literary influences (Ralph Waldo Emerson and Oscar Wilde) but Marilyn stole my heart early and has held the key to it ever since. In the library at school I found a biography written about her by Maurice Zolotow when she was still alive. It included people she was interested in learning about like Goya and Dostoyevsky. She discussed how she was told not to read the Autobiography of Lincoln Steffens when on the set at 20th Century Fox for fear of people thinking she might be a communist. It included quotes from her. Then a few years later, Gloria Steinem's book on her came out and it was the only one that included quotes from her and built from her observations, rather than what people thought of Marilyn. It was a beautiful bridge to understanding the limits of being a woman and how feminism challenged those limits.
Learning about her intellectual interests was like a thread that I have followed and that has lead me to other people I admire and love -- and people I despise for their treatment of her. For most of my life, people disparaged her or misunderstood that she was actually a human being. My favorite film is "The Misfits" and when in graduate school, I judged film scholars on whether they knew what I was talking about.
What I have learned from Marilyn is that we are all on our own in the end. To love animals and keep them close when you can. That we need to be generous and loving with our friends and chosen family. That the struggle for meaning is real. That women lead very different lives than those of men and our lives retain a power on their own that is like a throbbing heart beat that won't stop. Marilyn taught me that people will try to peg you into a type when you are a human being. Marilyn taught me to forgive my mother.
Yes, thank you, Samantha. I realized I answered the assignment incorrectly but she really has made that big of a difference. I have been on my own a lot.
Oh, did you? I think it is an excellent answer. Such a lovely tribute to Marilyn Monroe. Some of the people who have had the greatest impact on me were long gone before I was even born.
It depends on what you are interested in. Many are interested in her film career; she started the first independent production company and challenged the studio system but doesn't get enough credit for it. Some are interested in her political dalliances and affairs with the Kennedies and the myriad conspiracies about her death. Others are interested in her time in New York with the Strasberg School and Arthur Miller. Or her evolution as an actress. Many writers are fascinated with their own interest in Marilyn and what they get out of her.
Initially, I was interested in her childhood because my mother was paranoid schizophrenic and I felt very alone in the world. It was one of the reasons I was in boarding school. I do Los Angeles history and was interested in where she lived and worked.
Boomer, Born and raised in Oregon. Cyclist, gardener, recently retired. Worked about 25 years advocating for older adults. Took the first woman's studies class at Portland Community College! Loved "Not My Type!" and have sent info to all my friends.
Reading your book now - loving all the nitty gritty details. It’s amazing that one woman -you- have sued that man and WON not once twice but three times. If we could just get rid of him so the chaos stops and we can all live in peace!
My Sixth Grade teacher, Mr. Al Field, was the first - and for along time the only - adult who didn't treat me like a PITA to be rid of and took me seriously, encouraging me to go to the Denver Public Library main branch to get books (which turned into my self-taught "school") We reconnected six years before he died at 99 - he was very happy to learn what I had made of myself.
There was a Canadian woman Linda Harold living in the army tent on the hippie commune where I grew up. I was two years old and my mother’s fourth child and my mother had no time for me. Linda’s brother had committed suicide and she had infertility and she potty trained me. She did it so wholeheartedly and lovingly and joyfully and she poured so much love into me- I don’t remember it but I feel her love in my bones. There was nothing she’d rather do that be with me and sit with me and help me figure out my body and how to go potty. Thank you Linda.
Fighting Amazon this week! Free shipping at lots of bookstores! Hate to say it, but we could start thinking about Christmas and such. And such a nice f*** you to Bezos!
There is no one person for this late bloomer. My first husband and I forged an identity as biking vegetarian dancers. But later a volunteer at my program to stop elder abuse took an interest in me and gave me some fatherly advice I didn't get from home that helped build my self confidence and I had a lovely career.
All female.
Mary Ann -high school
Susie -college
Mary Frances-college
Barbara -grad school
Billie- wife for 40 years-15 years older and centuries wiser
Rita -3 short wonderful years until her death
My present, incredible, wonderful, sexy love, lover for nearly 2 years -we have forsaken
All others, til death do us part. We are 84 and pray to the universe,to let us live,so we can love.
OMG! I’m so lucky to have had such wonderful women to love and to love me, and to be still healthy and able to spend hours each day making love two weeks each month. Please, let us live.
I hope the both of you get many more years together! What a testament!
I wouldn’t be here—not like this, not as me—if it weren’t for a few wildly brilliant, deeply human women who stood with me as I clawed my way out from under the rubble of an authoritarian mother’s narcissism. I had 29 life-altering events to face down, and somehow, I’ve integrated more than half—because I wasn’t doing it alone.
My mentor and systemic coach Ulrike? A force of nature. She saw through every mask and still chose to walk beside me. My Alexander Technique coach Rebecca? She gave me back my spine—literally and metaphorically.
And lately, the light that’s been reaching me across the dark? Gloria Horton-Young, Mary L. Trump, and you, E. Jean. Each of you, in your own way, has reminded me what fierce clarity, grounded defiance, and unshakable self-trust can look like. You’ve been lighthouses. Not saviors—mirrors. Proof that it’s possible to speak truth, own joy, and refuse to shrink.
So who helped make me who I am? These women. These fires. These steady hands.
—Jay
wow
Octavia thank you for letting me know that my words resonated within you
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Lovely!
Thank you Italien, I am glad my words spoke to you.
Love.
Jena, thanks a lot. I appreciate your sentiment.
Nana did. My grandmother and I fell in love when I was born, and we stayed that way until she died at ninety-six. Thank G-d, as my mother never warmed to me.
I'm so sorry that your mother warmed to you. I'm glad you had your nana.
Thank you, Lauren. She was incredible.
Same with me, my maternal grandmother and grandfather were the best part of my childhood and young adulthood.....they were the best 🙏💕
When I was a baby writer I bravely reached out to a columnist I respected and whose work I adored and to my great surprise she not only said YES, she was an amazing interview and she encouraged me to keep going in my path to be a journalist. She didn't have to be so damn nice and to give me her time but she did. Her name is E. Jean Carroll. She showed me you can be talented, fascinating, fun, smart, goofy, absolutely determined, and above all, generous in spirit and time.
Claire! I am choked up ....but still managing to say...... Claire, you helped form me, too, ya know...............please recall "picky eaters."
Isn’t it wonderful how women find one another. I applaud you both for being open to one another’s gifts.
Marilyn Monroe
I lived in a convent in high school and was not very liked by my family. I had great literary influences (Ralph Waldo Emerson and Oscar Wilde) but Marilyn stole my heart early and has held the key to it ever since. In the library at school I found a biography written about her by Maurice Zolotow when she was still alive. It included people she was interested in learning about like Goya and Dostoyevsky. She discussed how she was told not to read the Autobiography of Lincoln Steffens when on the set at 20th Century Fox for fear of people thinking she might be a communist. It included quotes from her. Then a few years later, Gloria Steinem's book on her came out and it was the only one that included quotes from her and built from her observations, rather than what people thought of Marilyn. It was a beautiful bridge to understanding the limits of being a woman and how feminism challenged those limits.
Learning about her intellectual interests was like a thread that I have followed and that has lead me to other people I admire and love -- and people I despise for their treatment of her. For most of my life, people disparaged her or misunderstood that she was actually a human being. My favorite film is "The Misfits" and when in graduate school, I judged film scholars on whether they knew what I was talking about.
What I have learned from Marilyn is that we are all on our own in the end. To love animals and keep them close when you can. That we need to be generous and loving with our friends and chosen family. That the struggle for meaning is real. That women lead very different lives than those of men and our lives retain a power on their own that is like a throbbing heart beat that won't stop. Marilyn taught me that people will try to peg you into a type when you are a human being. Marilyn taught me to forgive my mother.
The Misfits is such an incredible film! Interesting how we can be so influenced by and connected to someone we haven’t met.
Yes, thank you, Samantha. I realized I answered the assignment incorrectly but she really has made that big of a difference. I have been on my own a lot.
Oh, did you? I think it is an excellent answer. Such a lovely tribute to Marilyn Monroe. Some of the people who have had the greatest impact on me were long gone before I was even born.
Right? I was born in 1970. But she was there when I needed her.
You are wonderful. Thank you!
We can be TOTALLY influenced and formed by people we have not met:
Me?
Jane Austen!
Jane Austen!
Jane Austen!
And E Jean!
E Jean!
E Jean!
Thank you for sharing your life with us. You are helping me NOW. Hearing your voice in the audible version of your book gives me so much joy.
We've been influenced by you as well. There are many friends I've met through the internet, but I have never met in person.
I love this post! Thank you for your honesty and for writing it! You make good points!
Wow
That's a great comment. I'm pasting it into my computer so that I can read it when I can concentrate a little better than now--I have too much to do1
Whose book on Marilyn Monroe would you recommend reading first, and why?
Start with Marilyn herself. They published some of her writings in 2010 in a book called Fragments. It's beautiful. https://www.google.com/books/edition/Fragments/GZWabG2SWj0C?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PR3&printsec=frontcover
It depends on what you are interested in. Many are interested in her film career; she started the first independent production company and challenged the studio system but doesn't get enough credit for it. Some are interested in her political dalliances and affairs with the Kennedies and the myriad conspiracies about her death. Others are interested in her time in New York with the Strasberg School and Arthur Miller. Or her evolution as an actress. Many writers are fascinated with their own interest in Marilyn and what they get out of her.
Initially, I was interested in her childhood because my mother was paranoid schizophrenic and I felt very alone in the world. It was one of the reasons I was in boarding school. I do Los Angeles history and was interested in where she lived and worked.
Thanks Sphinxy!
Sounds like there was much more to her than most of us realize. Thanks for letting us know that.
As for you, I'm glad you had learning about her to distract (I hope) you from your mother's problems.
thanks for asking.
You're most welcome! I learned something!
I’d say:
1. Elementary school coach Andy Garcia
2. Army First Sergeant Aaron Marlowe
3. College advisor Roy Fairfield
4. Early mentor Sargent Shriver
What a list, Tom!
I missed one: 5. Inspirator E. Jean Carroll
When my daughter came out covered in white stuff, the doctor said it was because she was overdone. Turns out she was a ten-month baby.
I think E. Jean won Joe Tacopino over.
Boomer, Born and raised in Oregon. Cyclist, gardener, recently retired. Worked about 25 years advocating for older adults. Took the first woman's studies class at Portland Community College! Loved "Not My Type!" and have sent info to all my friends.
Thank you, Joyce! And welcome A VERY WARM WELCOME to the Conflab!!
Reading your book now - loving all the nitty gritty details. It’s amazing that one woman -you- have sued that man and WON not once twice but three times. If we could just get rid of him so the chaos stops and we can all live in peace!
Thank you, Lisa!!
Before a butterfly emerges from the chrysalis, it exists as some basic amorphous goo.
So I will let you know who formed me as soon as I am actually formed. Right now I am still butterfly goo.
Ha!!!!!!
Only
You
Brynnetania!!!
My Sixth Grade teacher, Mr. Al Field, was the first - and for along time the only - adult who didn't treat me like a PITA to be rid of and took me seriously, encouraging me to go to the Denver Public Library main branch to get books (which turned into my self-taught "school") We reconnected six years before he died at 99 - he was very happy to learn what I had made of myself.
There was a Canadian woman Linda Harold living in the army tent on the hippie commune where I grew up. I was two years old and my mother’s fourth child and my mother had no time for me. Linda’s brother had committed suicide and she had infertility and she potty trained me. She did it so wholeheartedly and lovingly and joyfully and she poured so much love into me- I don’t remember it but I feel her love in my bones. There was nothing she’d rather do that be with me and sit with me and help me figure out my body and how to go potty. Thank you Linda.
Yes! Linda! What a waterfall of love she drenched you with!
Bookshop.org Buy local, buy independent!!
Fighting Amazon this week! Free shipping at lots of bookstores! Hate to say it, but we could start thinking about Christmas and such. And such a nice f*** you to Bezos!
Who is the person in my life who helped me to be myself? You E. Jean. You.
Reinnnnnnnne!
Good heavens! Thank you!
LuvYou
I second this! I'm pretty well fully formed by this point, but E.Jean, you cheer me on and keep me going!
And you, Clea, with your witty review, give me oooooomph!
https://artsfuse.org/312914/book-review-not-my-type-surviving-trump/
Yes, doesn't she!
There is no one person for this late bloomer. My first husband and I forged an identity as biking vegetarian dancers. But later a volunteer at my program to stop elder abuse took an interest in me and gave me some fatherly advice I didn't get from home that helped build my self confidence and I had a lovely career.