Paris Or Boyfriend?

The Daily Quagmire

Hail, darlings! Before I was fired from Elle, the Ask E. Jean advice column solved five or six problems each month. Now, just for the Queenhell fun of it, we’re solving a problem every day—and like the famous New York Times crossword, as the week goes on, the problems get harder, juicier, slippier, and knottier.

Boyfriend? Or Paris?

I answered it on the glitchy audio, but here’s the one and only Humphrey Bogart to set the whole world straight . . . .