Elle Tried To Get Rid of Me, But...

Miss Cheerleader USA (from the cover of the Indianapolis Star magazine)

So here’s what happened:

I was the happiest woman on earth, living right up to the hilt, yelling and cheering and shouting at the correspondents who wrote to the “Ask E. Jean” column. We carried on together for twenty-seven years. Then I accused Donald Trump of assault, sued him for defamation, headlines went round the world, and . . . BOOM. Elle fired me.

Some readers said they would #BoycottElle. Others said they were going to cancel their subscriptions—but as no one can figure out how to cancel their subscriptions, I think Elle will be fine. So anyway, when things died down, I crawled off the muckheap and began writing for The Atlantic and Vanity Fair . . .

The two best magazines in the history of the world, of course; but I missed my “Ask E. Jean” correspondents! I yearned to hear what private mischief they’d been up to—how their boss hadn’t taken a shower in three weeks, and their boyfriend wouldn’t pay back th…