We will know equality when we don’t have any silly ideas about who should pay. That’s a financial decision, not a gender affirmation. Do as the gays/lesbians do: whoever pays is the one who wants to, who can afford it, and who will not resent the expenditure. Easy.
I hope Ms. Boss receives the gift of pleasure. Who cares who pays? As we’ve learned, life is short - take the joy! And how perfect to have Ms. Kathy Griffin read Ms. Boss’s letter with her one good lung and unquenchable thirst for life. A note to Ms. Kathy Griffin: thank you for not letting us down when we needed you during the horrific years of the ass-in-chief. You came through for us no matter the personal cost. Smooches!
1) Get. It. On. In person, via words, or whatever other creative ways y'all come up with to enjoy each other. A woman prioritizing her own pleasure is one of the most radical middle fingers in the air to patriarchy that exists.
2) Pay for it all if you can. This is a testament to your financial station, which maybe you had a hand in attaining? So, why shouldn't you spend your money on what you like? However, money represents power-- who has it, who habitually lays it out, and who expects it to be spent upon them. So, if this is a one-off and you pay, great. If you all continue your in-person mind-blowing assignations and you end up always picking up the tab then there's a power imbalance that you and your Wordy Wonderboy should discuss. But you're not there yet, so just spend it if you've got it. It's not like you can take it with you.
3) My current lover is equally talented with his lusty words, and that is a pleasure not to be underestimated. I like the in-person equally, but it's different. All hail a man that can stimulate your most potent sex organ-- your imagination. May you insist on that from your partners from here on out. As for the who pays? We take turns, without worrying too much about the exact dollars. It's delicious to be treated and it's delicious to treat.
Enjoy your time with your Wordy Wonderboy with no guilt or shame. You are everything the patriarchy fears-- lusty, smart, and in control of your finances. I salute you.
We get messages from birth about the way things "should" be and are obliged to spend much of our adult lives unlearning those assumptions. So of course you felt a twinge of "waitaminute - is this okay?" Of course it's okay; it's more than okay. Your first reaction - feeling like a badass - was an excellent step in the right direction. I hope you have many such moments.
Conflabbians! We have heard from Boss-Ass Bitch! Here is her message to the Conflab:
"HOLYSHIT AUNTIE E!
Thank you to you, the Conflab and Kathy fucking Griffin for taking the time to read and delve into my letter. I was simply gobsmacked when I received your email, so needed to take a moment to drink it all in (plus the Knicks won in double overtime so the culmination was a personal nirvana) and consider the ever sage advice of the Conflab - I cannot help but Stan.
I appreciate the reality check that ‘desperate‘ was not the most appropriate way to describe how I feel. This is not a true problem - i fully recognize that there are far more serious issues in the world and in the lives of others. To put it differently - I felt rather insecure at the thought that I was paying for company as opposed to someone who wanted to spend time with me for me (whether my looks, sensuality, personality or otherwise). However - whatever the case may be, who really gives a fuck so long as both parties consent.
I also respect the time and intelligence of the Conflab too much to simply send in a letter for the sake of garnering attention or to boast especially when there is so much suffering in the midst of this pancetta amongst other things, so sincere apologies that it may have landed that way. I felt I needed an unbiased opinion of the matter at hand and I am absolutely floored at the responses. Additionally - hotel has been best because Thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond to my letter in order for me to garner some more perspective Hmmmm np in. I thoroughly appreciate it!"
NOT to be a wet blanket BUT in the interest of owning and knowing ourselves…
If at some point in this luscious serial conflagration, you find that your interest in him dims (not that I wish it for you), don’t feel you have to keep it up (ha!) just because you started it. Speaking from my own experience and definitely my own issues, if your interest in him flags for real, allow yourself the space and time to figure that out and move on. It’s badass for us to acknowledge and act on our feelings, period, when many of us grew up learning to be accommodating. Just be gracious (if you can) regardless.
Dear BAB: Yes, I said it. You handled this like a BAB. First of all, you have found a man who can converse, eloquently, even when sexting. It's not everyone who can make a woman have an orgasm, just by writing and he has the power! Secondly, he lived up to his words and can, physically, get you there!!! From what I've been reading and hearing, this is becoming a lost art so you are a lucky woman. Thirdly, you have the money and you went for it. Good on you. As long as you know exactly what this is and don't try to make it more than it is (unless he agrees), you will remain a BAB. It's when things are one-sided and how one handles it that makes one a BAB or a PAB.
I am VERY attracted to men with sexy voices and turgid vocabularies! As for paying, you invite someone on a date or trip, you pay if you can. It is sexy AF to spoil your bed-buddy.
Boss-Ass Bitch for real! E. Jean is right- you might only be questioning your boss-assness because of the social conditioning of men being in charge. You make your money and you get to decide how to spend it.. and you surely are spending it on yourself anyways! I’ve been where you are and had zero regrets or bad feelings about it, as long as I always felt safe and had tons of fun! A man who can do all that for you and not be threatened by your boss-ass status is a great fit for those random adventures every once in a while.
Also: I’ve had mad adoration for Kathy Griffin since her early 90’s MTV Comedy segments and Shakes the Clown…she should be Goddess-ized. Like if Cassandra had a wicked sense of wit and humor.
I have done this with men (meaning the pay-for-a-hotel dealio). It adds a certain frisson to the proceedings, on top of the unbridled lust, etc. Own your badassness and if this morphs into more or dwindles into less, sounds as if you are equipped to deal with it. Enjoy!!!!
Sounds terrific. Not to be a Debby Downer, but unless you really have a ton of money to toss on a boy toy (as opposed to, say, the slots, with a known return/loss ratio) beware of being used just for your money. I sincerely hope this is not the case and you enjoy your boy toy as much as you like, but just … be aware, is all.
Once in a while we get lucky. There is little to analyze here. Its just fun fun fun. Who pays is of 0 importance. Don’t overthink just enjoy this gift.
Should you be so fortunate and I hope you are, it’s so fabulous 40-50 years later to remember these moments.
Have recently escaped to Florence until December. Girlfriends from high school are visiting and we are reminiscing….sometimes about stuff like that.
Some boys are great fun and worthy of remembering. He could be one of them so let yourself enjoy without thinking of anything but the tasty here and now.
Nature is beautiful and perfect. This is what this is a gift from nature. If it morphs into something else that’s a very different kettle of fish and nothing I wrote may apply. I hope you are wise enough to see the difference.
We will know equality when we don’t have any silly ideas about who should pay. That’s a financial decision, not a gender affirmation. Do as the gays/lesbians do: whoever pays is the one who wants to, who can afford it, and who will not resent the expenditure. Easy.
I hope Ms. Boss receives the gift of pleasure. Who cares who pays? As we’ve learned, life is short - take the joy! And how perfect to have Ms. Kathy Griffin read Ms. Boss’s letter with her one good lung and unquenchable thirst for life. A note to Ms. Kathy Griffin: thank you for not letting us down when we needed you during the horrific years of the ass-in-chief. You came through for us no matter the personal cost. Smooches!
Maybe we could hear HIM read a thank you note for the weekend?
You dear, lusty, Bad-Ass Bitch,
1) Get. It. On. In person, via words, or whatever other creative ways y'all come up with to enjoy each other. A woman prioritizing her own pleasure is one of the most radical middle fingers in the air to patriarchy that exists.
2) Pay for it all if you can. This is a testament to your financial station, which maybe you had a hand in attaining? So, why shouldn't you spend your money on what you like? However, money represents power-- who has it, who habitually lays it out, and who expects it to be spent upon them. So, if this is a one-off and you pay, great. If you all continue your in-person mind-blowing assignations and you end up always picking up the tab then there's a power imbalance that you and your Wordy Wonderboy should discuss. But you're not there yet, so just spend it if you've got it. It's not like you can take it with you.
3) My current lover is equally talented with his lusty words, and that is a pleasure not to be underestimated. I like the in-person equally, but it's different. All hail a man that can stimulate your most potent sex organ-- your imagination. May you insist on that from your partners from here on out. As for the who pays? We take turns, without worrying too much about the exact dollars. It's delicious to be treated and it's delicious to treat.
Enjoy your time with your Wordy Wonderboy with no guilt or shame. You are everything the patriarchy fears-- lusty, smart, and in control of your finances. I salute you.
We get messages from birth about the way things "should" be and are obliged to spend much of our adult lives unlearning those assumptions. So of course you felt a twinge of "waitaminute - is this okay?" Of course it's okay; it's more than okay. Your first reaction - feeling like a badass - was an excellent step in the right direction. I hope you have many such moments.
Conflabbians! We have heard from Boss-Ass Bitch! Here is her message to the Conflab:
"HOLYSHIT AUNTIE E!
Thank you to you, the Conflab and Kathy fucking Griffin for taking the time to read and delve into my letter. I was simply gobsmacked when I received your email, so needed to take a moment to drink it all in (plus the Knicks won in double overtime so the culmination was a personal nirvana) and consider the ever sage advice of the Conflab - I cannot help but Stan.
I appreciate the reality check that ‘desperate‘ was not the most appropriate way to describe how I feel. This is not a true problem - i fully recognize that there are far more serious issues in the world and in the lives of others. To put it differently - I felt rather insecure at the thought that I was paying for company as opposed to someone who wanted to spend time with me for me (whether my looks, sensuality, personality or otherwise). However - whatever the case may be, who really gives a fuck so long as both parties consent.
I also respect the time and intelligence of the Conflab too much to simply send in a letter for the sake of garnering attention or to boast especially when there is so much suffering in the midst of this pancetta amongst other things, so sincere apologies that it may have landed that way. I felt I needed an unbiased opinion of the matter at hand and I am absolutely floored at the responses. Additionally - hotel has been best because Thank you to each and every one of you for taking the time to respond to my letter in order for me to garner some more perspective Hmmmm np in. I thoroughly appreciate it!"
NOT to be a wet blanket BUT in the interest of owning and knowing ourselves…
If at some point in this luscious serial conflagration, you find that your interest in him dims (not that I wish it for you), don’t feel you have to keep it up (ha!) just because you started it. Speaking from my own experience and definitely my own issues, if your interest in him flags for real, allow yourself the space and time to figure that out and move on. It’s badass for us to acknowledge and act on our feelings, period, when many of us grew up learning to be accommodating. Just be gracious (if you can) regardless.
Hope this makes sense.
Dear BAB: Yes, I said it. You handled this like a BAB. First of all, you have found a man who can converse, eloquently, even when sexting. It's not everyone who can make a woman have an orgasm, just by writing and he has the power! Secondly, he lived up to his words and can, physically, get you there!!! From what I've been reading and hearing, this is becoming a lost art so you are a lucky woman. Thirdly, you have the money and you went for it. Good on you. As long as you know exactly what this is and don't try to make it more than it is (unless he agrees), you will remain a BAB. It's when things are one-sided and how one handles it that makes one a BAB or a PAB.
I am VERY attracted to men with sexy voices and turgid vocabularies! As for paying, you invite someone on a date or trip, you pay if you can. It is sexy AF to spoil your bed-buddy.
Boss-Ass Bitch for real! E. Jean is right- you might only be questioning your boss-assness because of the social conditioning of men being in charge. You make your money and you get to decide how to spend it.. and you surely are spending it on yourself anyways! I’ve been where you are and had zero regrets or bad feelings about it, as long as I always felt safe and had tons of fun! A man who can do all that for you and not be threatened by your boss-ass status is a great fit for those random adventures every once in a while.
Also: I’ve had mad adoration for Kathy Griffin since her early 90’s MTV Comedy segments and Shakes the Clown…she should be Goddess-ized. Like if Cassandra had a wicked sense of wit and humor.
I have done this with men (meaning the pay-for-a-hotel dealio). It adds a certain frisson to the proceedings, on top of the unbridled lust, etc. Own your badassness and if this morphs into more or dwindles into less, sounds as if you are equipped to deal with it. Enjoy!!!!
I kept reading her letter waiting to hear what the problem is. I don't see any.
Sounds terrific. Not to be a Debby Downer, but unless you really have a ton of money to toss on a boy toy (as opposed to, say, the slots, with a known return/loss ratio) beware of being used just for your money. I sincerely hope this is not the case and you enjoy your boy toy as much as you like, but just … be aware, is all.
Once in a while we get lucky. There is little to analyze here. Its just fun fun fun. Who pays is of 0 importance. Don’t overthink just enjoy this gift.
Should you be so fortunate and I hope you are, it’s so fabulous 40-50 years later to remember these moments.
Have recently escaped to Florence until December. Girlfriends from high school are visiting and we are reminiscing….sometimes about stuff like that.
Some boys are great fun and worthy of remembering. He could be one of them so let yourself enjoy without thinking of anything but the tasty here and now.
Nature is beautiful and perfect. This is what this is a gift from nature. If it morphs into something else that’s a very different kettle of fish and nothing I wrote may apply. I hope you are wise enough to see the difference.
Lucky you!
Brava!
Brava, Kathy Griffin!