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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Bill Maher? I’m not sure if I love to hate him or hate to love him. But I’m pretty sure he’s correct here. Like Judy, I am a woman of a certain age who is running out of road. As a freelance writer/actor/general troublemaker, I don’t have a lot of appealing options. So before I catapult off the cliff like that stupid coyote, I need to figure out a strategy. Who wants to join me on my Femme Farm?

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Femme Farm! Love it!

We should all have a Plan For a Good Life which is not contingent on enjoying our remaining decades in a stable democracy. And we should start planning and building it now.

It will give us hope, Amy R!

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Fear is not necessarily bad thing. There's this virus going around, for instance, which we all SHOULD treat with a proper amount of fear. Having NO fear of it leads to idiotic no-mask, no-distancing, no-vaccine behaviour that could kill you. Meanwhile, a healthy amount of fear -- not a paralyzing amount of fear, but a *healthy* amount of fear -- will lead you to take sensible precautions that will help you to minimize your risk (and the risks of those around you.)

Fear, in fact, can be an excellent alarm system, warning you of potential danger. Don't dismiss it -- *use* it. As long as you don't let it immobilize you, fear can alert you to potentially bad outcomes, and get you thinking about what actions you can take (alone, or with others), to avoid those outcomes.

Of course, sometimes if the rhino is charging directly at you, you need to think about those actions FAST. This is where a reaction of, say, amused insouciance or jaded ennui really won't help you much. Fortunately, there's fear -- which can *really* help focus the mind....

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Kal!

Kal!

Kal!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

FEAR IS GOOD! It stops us from being stupid, it helps us live longer, and encourages us to have a GOOD PLAN to get the hell out when the getting the hell out is called for!

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Nothing beats planning. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. Bill Maher may be right, but I hope like hell not. In any case, we are updating our passports and have “run money” socked away.

I just don’t want to believe that there are not enough upstanding people of either party who defend the Constitution and the electoral system as it was originally constructed….but I can only quelch my fears by being ready for whatever may come.

A good start would be for the DOJ to jail anyone who refuses to answer a subpoena, and the removal of anyone in Congress who helped the Stop The Steal movement, because they are in violation of the 14th Amendment, and thus should lose their seat

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Prom! Sock it away, woman! Trump has taught the GOP that they can call ANY loss a "win," suppress votes, lie, destroy women's lives, and pull down the government---AND THEY WILL NEVER SUFFER ANY CONSEQUENCES.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I am so hoping that will change and will do everything possible to help. But I still have to cover my ass

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Apropos of your friend considering a move to Portugal, we looked and passed. We are buying a house in Newfoundland. Puffins, weathered men in cable knit sweaters, the odd iceberg and a generous and creative community. The perfect place to sit out the decline of American democracy and the march of global warming.

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Oh my gawd, Marta! Newfoundland!

If it's half as good as its Newfoundland dogs, I'm puttin' it on my list!

And congratulations on your wonderful new house! I am thrilled for you!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

E.Jean, you would be most welcome. We hope to close in December. I am looking into setting up an artists' residency program at the house. You can come and get those creative juices going.

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Marta! How splendid! I may take you up on a short weekend visit....next spring!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Amy - we'll keep that in mind :) Lots of locovore trends in Newfy cooking and Canada's (reputedly) best restaurant is in St. John's. Thankfully (unlike Icelanders) they don't attempt to eat puffin. E. Jean - you will make my husband's spring as he is a huge fan of yours.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Need a cook for your retreat center? I’m available.

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Oooooo Marta. How wonderful!

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Will Canada let you in? They have restrictions on immigrants

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O!!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I’m praying for the unexpected. I really believe he has dementia and maybe long covid difficulties. His word salad sentence structure and attraction to inspiring rage, his limited talking points were all hallmarks of my dad’s behavior when he had Alzheimer’s. His eating habits, etcetera etcetera

We’re all gonna die some time. Maybe he’ll do us a favor and put us out of the misery of him.

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Alice, my friend, he is healthy as a horse, most of his forebears live into their late 80's and 90's. Prepare yourself for his presidential run in 2024 and start taking action now, woman!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I registered voters for a few hours today

Maybe he’ll get speared by an umbrella—he seems to have trouble with them

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Thank you!

Thank you, Alice!!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

All I can say is: I recently bought a property in Portugal and my "Golden Visa" application was accepted today. That's my escape valve, even if I only live there intermittently for the time being. My parents were in Europe when Hitler invaded and, as a result, I was raised to always keep my passport with me. May be a bit dramatic, but Portugal is an amazing, peaceful, and safe country where 98% of those 12+ are vaccinated. I rest my case.

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WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL! Michele! I am tickled pink!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Bom dia! I adore Portugal and another friend has just retired there. I am pretty serious about a possible move there.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I jumped on it now due to the Golden Visa program, which is changing effective 1/1/22. I love it there.

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So Smart and so reassuring!

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Portugal sounds good.

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It does!

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Oct 17, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

“Geography is my wound,” Pat Conroy wrote in the Prince of Tides. I visited the SC LowCountry this past weekend. It is my place, home to my ancestors since 17th Century. How beautiful it is, with the subtle greens of the live oaks, the swaying Spanish Moss, black river water rising and falling in the marsh grass. The Great Blue Heron in flight. The smell pluff mud permeating the air. Home. Yet, beneath the surface, evil lurks because all the loveliness was built with the violence of slavery. I have struggled all my life with the dichotomy. This is a feral world. Always has been. But this is the first time in my life that I have thought about escaping my roots. As if that’s possible. In reality, there never has been a perfect time and place in the history of the human race. To think otherwise is to open oneself up to most bitter disappointment. The best that we can do is to take care of our corner and trust there are enough good people out there who are doing the same.

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Longer! You take away my breath! THIS is powerful and beautiful.

P.S. I KNOW there are enough "good people" to take care of our corner!

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

A conversation with a neighbor yesterday- we’ve been allies in local political battles. (We live in a blue donut hole in a very red state.) He said it’s important to enjoy the good in our lives. This has always been a struggle for me (May god - or whatever - rot America’s Calvinist culture

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I like your neighbor and I love his advice, Longer! "Enjoy the good in our lives!"

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Costa Rica is beautiful and has nationalized health care. But since we can't afford to move right now, it is nice to come here and find comfort in the reassurance of kindred spirits. Hang in there, everybody xo

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Oooo, Costa Rica! Another superb idea! And, you are right, Amy N! We got the Conflab! We got one another!

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I am a bit in awe of all your dreams and plans fabulous Conflabbers. Portugal? Newfoundland? Costa Rica? Canada? I confess I have never had the ways and means to plan where to live, and have uprooted and transplanted myself as life showed me the next step on my journey lay elsewhere. So far I’ve been uprooted from where I grew up in Southern CA and replanted in Japan, Hawaii, CO, and now North Carolina. Though by no means idyllic, each of these places allowed me to retrieve another piece of myself, so I am grateful.

Looking back, I realize that this life has been all about cleaning house - clearing out old ways of seeing and being in the world, healing old wounds, and doggedly honoring my creative process. I am simply not living life the way I was told I “should” live it - much to my parents’ disappointment. From where I sit, this is neither good nor bad, though having funds for the basics - especially now that I’ve hit 65 - would be nice.

But I have no time for worry or fear. It does me no good to compare myself to others - to wonder why someone Kyrsten Sinema is given ridiculous sums of money to vote against the people she has sworn to help, while someone like my dear friend - a brilliant writer and jewelry maker who would and has given her last penny to help someone who is hungry - is homeless. Clearly money is not a measure of anyone’s worth, just an outward manifestation of a lesson we’re trying to learn.

Each day I sit with myself and check in to be sure a) I am doing the best that I can (mentally, physically, spiritually) in a world that is clearly out of wack; b) am being honest and diligent about tackling my lessons; and c) am coming from a place of integrity, kindness, and love for myself, the planet and other critters. If I can answer yes to all of these, then I must assume that my life is unfolding as it should.

I know that doesn’t directly answer your question Auntie E., but I find I am unwilling to spend any time with Mr. Damp Palms. We have a saying in A.A. that has served me well, “One day at a time.” I often edit that saying to read, “one breath at time.” This serves to remind me that the only thing I can control is the present. Everything else is either looking back or projecting forward.

Hugs!

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Well, whatever you are doing, Jena, Mr. Damp Palms bursts into cold sweats and has to spray himself down in RightGard. You POKE that chap in the testicles. And go right onwriting your NOVEL.....yes, Conflabbers! Jena has embarked!

https://passalongsongs.substack.com/p/one-note-part-i

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LMAO …RightGuard and testicle poking. That’s a pairing I never saw coming! I like it!

As for the novel, I have indeed embarked and invite any and all conflabbers to take a gander. I am weaving several threads together, including one that is still unfolding in real time. Who knows where we will all end up? I am certain, however, that wherever that is, we will have great fun getting there! Thank you Auntie E!

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Oct 17, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Jena, I love what you said. I really have to stop giving Mr Damp Pants so much space in my head. My husband is “a one breath at a time” adherent too. You’ve put a novel (in progress?) on substack? That’s brilliant. I will follow you home.

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Alice - you may want to read Alain de Botton's The School of Life. "We should fix instead on the goal of achieving a wise, knowledgable, self-possessed relationship with our manifold insanities."

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Do y’all get Brain Pickings newsletter? The one this week is perfect for this discussion: https://www.brainpickings.org/2021/10/13/alain-de-botton-normalcy-breakdown/?mc_cid=2d1ba0b2a0&mc_eid=8933650e26

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Oooh, Longer, that’s perfect. Thank you. I forgot about brain pickings

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Maria Popova is a treasure.

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founding
Oct 19, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Brain Pickings always soothes what ails me. It's like pain/fear meds without the hideous side effects.

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LOVE! The hell with normal I say!

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

normal, as defined by the patriarchy and who wants to do what they want us to do?

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Well the novel is serialized so I can publish as it unfolds. I’d love to have you join us. As for one breath at a time it works because it quiets the mind. Pay special attention to where your thoughts and emotions get entangled in the body. When you find that key you can let it go. Do you meditate?

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SUCH do-able, mind-commanding advice!!

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Oct 17, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

No, I’m ashamed to say. I’ve tried. My BF laughs at me because I don’t care for yoga either (nobody hates yoga! She says) despite many attempts. I can quiet myself, I can put myself in the here and now and the only thing im thinking about is that chameleon climbing up the stem of my orchid. I’m not frantic or manic, I’m sad. I’m 64 and I don’t know what I have to show for myself. I don’t think that’s an abnormal ennui. The pandemic and the political ugliness have stunted my growth and I’m a little angry about that. C’est la vie

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Alice, you Wonder! That you're HERE means you've got PLENTY to show for yourself.......I've read back over some of your marvelous essays, and it happens that you give good, solid, true advice which has helped me.....and no doubt, many of our correspondents, woman!

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Thank you E. Jean! You, yourself, are a whirlwind of Wonder!

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Thinking about you this morning Alice and how we learn we have to prove our worth, justify our existence. The most freeing a thing my therapist ever said to me was, “you do not have prove you have a right to your life.” I cried for two days. That’s what no one ever tells us - YOU, not what you do, are the gift. Thank you for reminding me.

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Oy, in the light of day, I didn't realize I sounded so pitiful. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness, Jena. I went to a therapist once who used the EFT tapping technique. At a certain point in the "ritual" she had me say "I forgive myself". I started to weep--big fat clown tears--and thought WTF?

I love "you do not have to prove you have a right to your life."

I take a painting class. The woman who teaches it and is sort of new-ish friend has said to me three, 3, three! times in passing, "So, what do you do all day?" the implication being, she thinks I sit on the couch watching Golden Girls reruns. The last time she said it to me I said, "I do my best, Sandy." Ha!

I am a writer, too, so what I actually do a lot of the time is write and think and read. I'm really excited about your substack. It seems a brilliant vehicle for showcasing your work. I'm off to read it again and subscribe. You're a very fine writer. Thanks once again for your thoughtfulness. This substack of E. Jean's is such a brilliant place to meet new minds and make friends with like minds.

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

It's 2021. Everyone is allowed to sound pitiful in 2021.

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Hah - OK, I'm stealing that: "I do my best."

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Why ashamed? If it isn’t for you, it isn’t for you :-)

I don’t know you well enough to comment on what you mean by not knowing what you have to show for yourself, but I’m curious about what gives you pleasure - what gets you up in the morning.

As for pandemic and the ongoing fiasco surrounding it I believe we’re all struggling. I get why you are angry!

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Gotta keep breathing!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I already put myself cozily to sleep beginning last week with the comfortable knowledge that Our Lady of Ballbusting Magnifence herself, E. Jean Carroll, as well as her representative, the ferocious and similarly magnificent Law Master, Robbie Kaplan, along with their ingenious and brilliant Trump vaccine, Mary Trump, are willing to do what of our hired governmental peeps apparently lack the will to do: go bare-fisted into the cage with the infernal and eternally soiled-diaper-bedecked king of the toddlers himself. And they’re going to win. And we do in truth deserve this marvelous end. (I know I can’t make requests, Wondrous EJC, but if I could, I’d twist a curl round my finger and grin my most winning dimpled grin and implore you for his head on a pike. Ha! Just kidding. The dimples are all wrong. Finely sharpened teeth are far more plausible.)

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Deborah! Thank you! I will send Mary and Robbie your message! You can rest assured, WE GOT PLANS, WOMAN!!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I believe it, and what’s more, if one thing the last six years have taught us to a point of obnoxiousness, it’s that truth is stranger than fiction. So why not see him sent flying on his fanny straight into the paddocks, than via the sumptuous leather toe of the riding crop-flaying, riding boot-sashaying E. Jean and her mighty warrior sisters. The vision sustains me, and my sense of your personal power allied with Ms. Kaplan’s full muster doesn’t give me hope. It makes me convinced. The plans you must have—oof. Yes.

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You give me OOOOOOOMPH! Thank you, Deborah!!!

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💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎💎👑💜🙌🏽

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I think Bill Maher’s scenario is frighteningly plausible.

Oh, and since my husband died, I really am afraid of dying alone with my cat.

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Diane!! Bless you and your cat! And you got the CONFLAB, woman! Nobody is alone around here for long!!

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Oct 15, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

You are not alone. There is something wrong when innocent people are afraid

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My biggest fear is that Bill Maher is 100% correct.

My second biggest fear is that living in a state without extended Medicaid and not meeting the minimum earnings requirement for ACA healthcare, I'll need medical care before I qualify for Medicare and if the orange shit gibbon is back in office by then, it will be a moot point anyway.

My third biggest fear is that as a woman of a certain age who has pursued a dubious career path, I won't be able to keep afloat much longer.

How do I deal with it? Romance novels and tequila.

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Heavens, Judy! You have a brilliant book! You are stronger and more talented and possess more ooooooomph than you know!

But those are real damn fears, woman! Real and terrifying. But I repeat: I believe your talent will carry you through!

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Yes, but no one is buying my brilliant book. Sigh. More tequila, please!

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Judy, can you provide a link to your book?

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Caveat: It's a murder mystery rom com and definitely not a cozy... https://amzn.to/3uJR0Ca

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Just bought it! Sounds perfect for this newly divorced woman "of a certain age." The reviews are impressive, to say the least.

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Thank you so much.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Ooh Judy I am SO AMPED to read this! My entire wheelhouse fits inside the descrip. Cannot wait. Checking Powell’s now to see if there’s a copy in stock. 💜

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My publisher in their infinite wisdom (cough, cough) only has it up on Amazon. If it gets enough reviews/sales they'll allegedly try to peddle it to a streaming service because they have "connections." And maybe I'll hit the lottery tonight... Ya never know, right?

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You ARE floating very, very lightly, expertly, Judy! You WILL stay healthy till you reach medicare age. You eat right, you get sleep, you write!! You got friends! You got it prettay, prettay good, woman!

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I just wanted to add that.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I agree with Bill Maher most of the time. That latest video is dead right. Our political system operates on greed. It's full of crazy/greedy Republicans and Democrats that are either the corporate type (so might as well be Republicans) or the dithering, woke, back biting type who refuse to get the basics handled so people can relax and live decent lives.

I keep thinking that it's going to take women, organizing, to turn things around and then I remember that waaaaay too many women voted for that bloated pile of human garbage trump.

I'm 63 and feel that my life is fairly irrelevant. I don't know what to do to make a difference. How do we start a grass roots movement to save our democracy?

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Well, Jeanne, you pick one thing----one thing which you think you can your talents, your wisdom and your experience to change.

Does the GOP's drive to suppress the vote DRIVE YOU CRAZY?

SIGN ON HERE to volunteer: https://www.votingrightsalliance.org/

Men taking away women's control over their own bodies?

https://www.prochoiceamerica.org/

and

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_abortion-rights_organizations_in_the_United_States

And so on. Any cause dear to your heart, you can volunteer, and it is A GAS! You will quickly realize how very, VERY relevant you are, Jeanne!!

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Oct 17, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Thank you, E. Jean:)

https://youtu.be/0yg4GJ5OIyA

I just watched this Marianne Williamson interview about this exact topic. How to get involved and make a difference with regard to political issues.

One of the first things I'm going get into is at a local level- take down Sinema in the next election.

As far as national and international causes go it's hard to decide which is most important and how much I can do when I live down in Southern Arizona. But I will do something!

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Jeanne! Jeanne! Excellente! YES! If ALL politics is local!! I am so happy you are slappin' on your spurs, woman!!!

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Couldn’t agree more E. Jean.

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Oct 18, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

E. Jean, May I please call you “Auntie E?” All my aunts suck and you are rather smashing!

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Please do, Longer! I would be honored.

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Oct 19, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Splendid. Thanks, Auntie E!

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You laid out the problem very cogently. THIS is what we face. THIS is what we are up against, Ken. And we CARRY ON! Yes, sir, we carry on.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

While I also hope that the Dumpster Fire also ends up in prison forever I also hope that his idiot followers die of COVID. Not nice but neither are they and right now neither am I.

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Our being "nice," Beth? Didn't work.

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Oct 16, 2021Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Ken, That may be so but going from my coworkers and many neighbors those that aren't getting the vaccine do have health insurance, go to doctors and get their medical advice from the far right. I live in a purple state so maybe that has unfairly colored my viewpoint.

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