233 Comments

" Follow Me for My Afterlife Weightloss and Moisturizing Secrets"

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"this is no improvement"

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

"Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment." - Dorothy Parker

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I told you I didn’t feel well.

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I plan to be cremated and interred at the columbarium at Arlington National Cemetery. It's military so they don't allow quips or humor. My tombstone will read:

(FULL NAME)

CDR, USN

(Birthdate to Deathdate)

Legion of Merit

Defense Meritorious Service Medal

Meritorious Service Medal

That's it.

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

“I Had The Right-of-Way.”

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I rather doubt there will be one. I'm serious. I want to be composted and have a white oak tree planted over the soil resulting. So does my husband. We have no children. We have no wish to be buried in the conventional sense. If there is no grave, why have a stone? So we want to go with something that will live, produce shade, acorns, and oxygen, and perhaps at some point, lumber for somebody to build with, then more oaks to grow. White oaks can live to be over 150 years old. I'd rather have that.

If you insist, though, "She's with her soulmate and the horses, dogs, and cats who were pieces of her heart."

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Word. There. I got the last word.

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Poet, starved. Didn’t mind too much when able to write. Dreamt of baby animals every night.

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I loved Lou & Lou loved me.

This is why we lay together under this tree.

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Mine will say:

He was an asshole

But he was a funny asshole

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Two possibilities for me:

1. Thanks for Stopping By ...

2. World's Greatest Parallel Park-er

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

She went for accuracy. (Former editor and fact checker)

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

Could build a fire, knew how to style her hair and gave one too many blowjobs.

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I've Been Scattered, shadoobie

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Apr 22Liked by E. Jean Carroll

I won't have one, but if I did:

Here lies a stubborn, opinionated, stong, independent Irish woman, if she knew you, you knew. If you didn't she liked it that way.

Or

Damn, She did it her way!

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