Listen now | Once Upon a Time . . . ...there was a TV show called Ask E. Jean. It was a daily frolic that Entertainment Weekly called “America’s Answering Machine.” Every afternoon at 4pm, dear Reader, you could tune in and watch a 50-year old woman in a short Donna Karen skirt jumping up and down on a sofa and yelling at her guests till they agreed to follow her advice. It was so mad, so
I would have given the same advice in the '90s that I would give now.
Grow up.
Lying to someone who loves you is a trash move. This woman agreed to a certain set of rules in her relationship with her husband. She doesn't get to change them without his agreement.
Women are all about consent until they decide to cheat. Where is her husband's consent to having another man in his marriage?
Choose one or the other, or be an adult and tell both men your truth.
I just watched that Bill Boggs show and for the life of me I can’t understand why you are not a movie star (…who writes an advice column). In fact I’m so distracted by your charisma I can’t even remember what the poor reader was asking about. I think you should be video-ing your Substacks, not just reading and writing them.
I’d love an update on her life. I went through something similar but it lasted for a VERY long time. I’m not ashamed of it and I wouldn’t change a thing. My view is that if you are lucky enough to have that intense passion, hold onto it quietly. This takes a lot of mental gymnastics and understanding what you’ve signed up for (as in, you’re not marrying the guy). It takes a certain amount of maturity and mutual agreement to carry on with a lover, but we only get one twirl around this earth so make it an excellent one.
I wouldn’t have told her to end it, but I would’ve definitely pointed out that she needs to get a grip on her life and be realistic about what’s possible. Affairs often feel like a bubble. They’re above the static of every day life. She’d need to compartmentalize her relationship with the other instead of creating drama about it. I would’ve also said that the kids need to come first.
What I do understand is that some women may feel like they need to be seen as sexy and seductive rather than just a wife and mother. And sometimes that may lead a woman outside of her marriage. They shouldn’t be judged for this.
As the child of a cheating father I probably have a slightly different perspective than those who didn't experience anything like this. People who cheat not only do so to their spouses but the entire family. How do we, as the children witnessing the pain inflicted, stand a chance to ever have trust, a solid relationship & not submit to the sins of the cheater? My bro & I were severely traumatized and we both chose mates according to their inner qualities, not the outer layers. He's married 38 yrs now, I 35. The tentacles of memories still extend into a severe distrust of others to this day. Watching my mom become a pill popping hermit, locked in her dark room, sitting in a chair staring blankly at the walls haunts me still. Being cut off from my father, wrong as he was, still tore into me. I was able to find him after decades of being kept apart by the fact my parents hated each other, never spoke & spent all their time making the other pay, always putting me in the middle. I even lost my house because of them not being able to agree on anything. Mom passed in 2016, alone. I did track Dad down in 2018 in a run down nursing home my vengeful bro put him in and left him to rot. I saw him just once. He literally remembered everything. Everything but mom! So much time lost, apart, caught in the middle of a maelstrom of selfishness. As I wheeled him into the Fri night services he was the unofficial cantor for (he was a pro musician his whole life) I turned to look at him, knowing it would be the last time. He refound religion, was joking with the others & smiling. He never looked back at me. That vision haunts me still. He died a few weeks later & I have no idea where he is. The hate my brother had never left. He sold both their plots, had them cremated and last I heard, they're in Zip Lok bags in his underwear drawer. All because Dad just had to have sex with another woman rather than be the man he should've been. 3 years later I'm still grieving; the deaths, the lost time, not being able to visit a gravesite, the normalcy we should've had. Don't cheat. The ripples never end & the pain it causes lasts way longer than any orgasm.
I had a tiring day yesterday. I slept in. Luckily after dinner and some lounging, I was pleasantly surprised that I had a new "Ask E Jean" newsletter to read and suck in. This one is "The Bomb". If my head wasn't screwed on, it would be spinning and pinging all over the walls!!! This is great. It also goes to show why Jean is a STAR, not just a celebrity, but a woman with a zap-sparkle in everything she does! Extraordinaire! Me I'm just a plain old ground hog. The advice given was nothing I could have come up with on my own.
This explains a lot why my life turned out as it has. I don't know why I just said that. But, it seems so.
I too, like Jean had once dreamt to be like "Dear Abby or Ann Landers", I preferred Ann Landers as she was slightly more hip. And, there was always Cosmo. While eye brows within my parent's home and neighborhood were raised as I was reading such, I thought they were all just crazy. But, let's get back to the actual advice... It's wise of E. Jean to go through the decades and bring round robin up for discussion. It's interesting and allows for people to be their truest selves. But, what I enjoy most hearing is that "HONESTY" is always best. But, here's the thing I just thought of: Birds of a feather flock together. Being that Mrs. In-love with Mr. WhobelongstoanotherMrs. who may have been hurt and and also the "good husband" who is pissed off and wanted to sue E. Jean. That all could have been avoided. What is showed was what selfish people do when they let their better thinking go and go for lust. It seems like love and maybe it became love, but still it hurt a whole lot of people. Common sense, maybe, not so common would have encouraged otherwise. But, there you have it, it happened. Just being human. My parents stayed together after they got divorced because of the kindness of my mother's heart. My dad who was terrible to her, beat her, had no where to go. He lost his job and lost 90% of his retirement after working for an Auto Company. Everybody lost their jobs in the industry during the Carter Era. My dad had kind of a stroke.
My brother told my dad, "Why don't you just go throw yourself off the Belle Isle bridge." He wasn't kidding. Although, Idk if he was trying to jolt him out of it, or he didn't really care if my dad were to jump off the bridge.
My mom figured he was sick and she was working at a bakery to afford health care. She allowed him to stay. He had bouts where he treated her decently, but mostly he despised her. He hooked up with a junkie who lived with the drug pushers across the street. This woman fell in love with my dad. Later, the people she lived with robbed their home of anything worthwhile. This included expensive jewelry which I bought for my mom for presents.
My dad continued meeting up with his woman anyway. I saw him give her money. My son, who was around 3 years at the time, was exploring outside and wandered into the abandoned house next door where he found funny maxum balloons. This was Detroit.
So, around 6 months before he died, he told me that my mom never loved me. Surprise, I already suspected as much, but I asked why he felt the need to tell me now. Then, I gave him examples of how I noticed and kept secret much of his escapades because I knew how much it would hurt mom if she new. He paled. He was ashamed. I added that she never, ever cheated so why did he treat her so horribly? Boy, did he feel guilty. He then said, "I always thought you never loved me." To which I responded: No, I loved you, but I didn't and don't like what you have done. I could not say anymore.
But, then I thought to myself how sad their lives with each other were so filled with violence, despair, shame, and grief. Very little happiness. So with that knowledge, I'd like to add only this: It's always best to be honest, unless there is a chance for violence ensuing. Each needs to decide for themselves their journey. Each needs to open their heart and do what's best for them, not selfishly, but with all concerned and without hate in the mix. Not easy, but for the best outcome.
Please get back on tv. Or are you already? Someone give this woman all of the money. Your advice was ultimately: respect yourself. How many ejector seat affairs have saved a woman's whole damn life? Countless. Saved mind. Life is fleeting, love is fleeting, E Jean we need a show.
Not to be a killjoy, but "love" doesn't justify an utter lack of integrity. If you cheat on your spouse, then it's not up to you to decide whether or not your marriage needs to be "opened up" or they need to just kick your ass to the curb. That is up to them, and if they choose to keep you and forgive you, don't waste everybody's precious time acting like what you did wasn't a dishonest betrayal because "true love" somehow provides adequate explanation. Dig deep, find some humility, and then, whether or not they choose to keep you, go to freaking therapy. Jayzus.
"Passion stops being a pleasure when it stops being a secret." I consider that a probable truth. And I love the "reading." It feels like we're in the dining room together having a conversation over wine. Thank you, Auntie E.
Good lord. This is no longer a newsletter. It's morphed into a podcast, TV show. advice column, political commentary, and state of the world update all rolled into one. BRAVO!
Personally, I loved hearing your voice as there's a lot that cannot be conveyed by words alone. But the TV clip? Do you suppose Bill Boggs had (or has) any idea what was really going on? Did he realize how your questions set him up, or how his remarks and your refusal to take the bait he kept lobbing at you made him look? My favorite part was when you got him to do the kick. Priceless. And I agree with everyone else. We need to get you your very own show.
Back in a bit with my thoughts on In Love and In Trouble's quandary.
I'm laughing so hard I'm getting Charlie horses in my right butt cheek! I'm not kidding!
Oh man oh man. I adore you E. Jean! So priceless.
I've got no advice or opinion on the cheater lady. Not even the biggest cheaters list, EXCEPT for Zuckerberg. He's such an ass he just HAS to be besties with Tucker Carlson and Marjorie Taylor Greene! He's someone who'd for right in to that level of crazy!
Facebook down all those hours. I saw on the news he lost something like $6 billion- yes that's b-b-b-billion! I was like, oh big damn deal. $6B whoopdedoo! That's the loose change he takes outta his pocket and tosses in the coin bowl before bed, yeah? Considering he's still worth over $121 Billion I don't care about his little loss. However, being the soft hearted sap that I am, I'll try to tune up my micro violin and play him a sad song.
First let me say that this was the BEST post since you started on Substack IMO,
and certainly the most entertaining!! The Bill Boggs clip was great and you looked wonderful!
Answering today’s question, it is not fair to your husband or to your lover’s wife to continue this; innocent people getting hurt is never a good thing. That being said, I understand human weakness and desire and excitement, but E Jean’s final piece of advice (to end it) was right.
I just want to add that I enjoyed the glimpse of the show more than I usually like Johnny Carson. You were and are amazing! Get back on some shows and talk about the "Conflab" and how much fun it all is!
Every woman deserves a grand passion. It is the juice of life. Having written that, in the end, honesty, integrity, and honor are everything. ps You have the snap crackle pop, E Jean.
I would have given the same advice in the '90s that I would give now.
Grow up.
Lying to someone who loves you is a trash move. This woman agreed to a certain set of rules in her relationship with her husband. She doesn't get to change them without his agreement.
Women are all about consent until they decide to cheat. Where is her husband's consent to having another man in his marriage?
Choose one or the other, or be an adult and tell both men your truth.
Or how about Mary Trump and E. Jean Carroll have a late-night TV Hour. I'm up, I'll watch. I love you both.
I just watched that Bill Boggs show and for the life of me I can’t understand why you are not a movie star (…who writes an advice column). In fact I’m so distracted by your charisma I can’t even remember what the poor reader was asking about. I think you should be video-ing your Substacks, not just reading and writing them.
I’d love an update on her life. I went through something similar but it lasted for a VERY long time. I’m not ashamed of it and I wouldn’t change a thing. My view is that if you are lucky enough to have that intense passion, hold onto it quietly. This takes a lot of mental gymnastics and understanding what you’ve signed up for (as in, you’re not marrying the guy). It takes a certain amount of maturity and mutual agreement to carry on with a lover, but we only get one twirl around this earth so make it an excellent one.
I wouldn’t have told her to end it, but I would’ve definitely pointed out that she needs to get a grip on her life and be realistic about what’s possible. Affairs often feel like a bubble. They’re above the static of every day life. She’d need to compartmentalize her relationship with the other instead of creating drama about it. I would’ve also said that the kids need to come first.
What I do understand is that some women may feel like they need to be seen as sexy and seductive rather than just a wife and mother. And sometimes that may lead a woman outside of her marriage. They shouldn’t be judged for this.
As the child of a cheating father I probably have a slightly different perspective than those who didn't experience anything like this. People who cheat not only do so to their spouses but the entire family. How do we, as the children witnessing the pain inflicted, stand a chance to ever have trust, a solid relationship & not submit to the sins of the cheater? My bro & I were severely traumatized and we both chose mates according to their inner qualities, not the outer layers. He's married 38 yrs now, I 35. The tentacles of memories still extend into a severe distrust of others to this day. Watching my mom become a pill popping hermit, locked in her dark room, sitting in a chair staring blankly at the walls haunts me still. Being cut off from my father, wrong as he was, still tore into me. I was able to find him after decades of being kept apart by the fact my parents hated each other, never spoke & spent all their time making the other pay, always putting me in the middle. I even lost my house because of them not being able to agree on anything. Mom passed in 2016, alone. I did track Dad down in 2018 in a run down nursing home my vengeful bro put him in and left him to rot. I saw him just once. He literally remembered everything. Everything but mom! So much time lost, apart, caught in the middle of a maelstrom of selfishness. As I wheeled him into the Fri night services he was the unofficial cantor for (he was a pro musician his whole life) I turned to look at him, knowing it would be the last time. He refound religion, was joking with the others & smiling. He never looked back at me. That vision haunts me still. He died a few weeks later & I have no idea where he is. The hate my brother had never left. He sold both their plots, had them cremated and last I heard, they're in Zip Lok bags in his underwear drawer. All because Dad just had to have sex with another woman rather than be the man he should've been. 3 years later I'm still grieving; the deaths, the lost time, not being able to visit a gravesite, the normalcy we should've had. Don't cheat. The ripples never end & the pain it causes lasts way longer than any orgasm.
I had a tiring day yesterday. I slept in. Luckily after dinner and some lounging, I was pleasantly surprised that I had a new "Ask E Jean" newsletter to read and suck in. This one is "The Bomb". If my head wasn't screwed on, it would be spinning and pinging all over the walls!!! This is great. It also goes to show why Jean is a STAR, not just a celebrity, but a woman with a zap-sparkle in everything she does! Extraordinaire! Me I'm just a plain old ground hog. The advice given was nothing I could have come up with on my own.
This explains a lot why my life turned out as it has. I don't know why I just said that. But, it seems so.
I too, like Jean had once dreamt to be like "Dear Abby or Ann Landers", I preferred Ann Landers as she was slightly more hip. And, there was always Cosmo. While eye brows within my parent's home and neighborhood were raised as I was reading such, I thought they were all just crazy. But, let's get back to the actual advice... It's wise of E. Jean to go through the decades and bring round robin up for discussion. It's interesting and allows for people to be their truest selves. But, what I enjoy most hearing is that "HONESTY" is always best. But, here's the thing I just thought of: Birds of a feather flock together. Being that Mrs. In-love with Mr. WhobelongstoanotherMrs. who may have been hurt and and also the "good husband" who is pissed off and wanted to sue E. Jean. That all could have been avoided. What is showed was what selfish people do when they let their better thinking go and go for lust. It seems like love and maybe it became love, but still it hurt a whole lot of people. Common sense, maybe, not so common would have encouraged otherwise. But, there you have it, it happened. Just being human. My parents stayed together after they got divorced because of the kindness of my mother's heart. My dad who was terrible to her, beat her, had no where to go. He lost his job and lost 90% of his retirement after working for an Auto Company. Everybody lost their jobs in the industry during the Carter Era. My dad had kind of a stroke.
My brother told my dad, "Why don't you just go throw yourself off the Belle Isle bridge." He wasn't kidding. Although, Idk if he was trying to jolt him out of it, or he didn't really care if my dad were to jump off the bridge.
My mom figured he was sick and she was working at a bakery to afford health care. She allowed him to stay. He had bouts where he treated her decently, but mostly he despised her. He hooked up with a junkie who lived with the drug pushers across the street. This woman fell in love with my dad. Later, the people she lived with robbed their home of anything worthwhile. This included expensive jewelry which I bought for my mom for presents.
My dad continued meeting up with his woman anyway. I saw him give her money. My son, who was around 3 years at the time, was exploring outside and wandered into the abandoned house next door where he found funny maxum balloons. This was Detroit.
So, around 6 months before he died, he told me that my mom never loved me. Surprise, I already suspected as much, but I asked why he felt the need to tell me now. Then, I gave him examples of how I noticed and kept secret much of his escapades because I knew how much it would hurt mom if she new. He paled. He was ashamed. I added that she never, ever cheated so why did he treat her so horribly? Boy, did he feel guilty. He then said, "I always thought you never loved me." To which I responded: No, I loved you, but I didn't and don't like what you have done. I could not say anymore.
But, then I thought to myself how sad their lives with each other were so filled with violence, despair, shame, and grief. Very little happiness. So with that knowledge, I'd like to add only this: It's always best to be honest, unless there is a chance for violence ensuing. Each needs to decide for themselves their journey. Each needs to open their heart and do what's best for them, not selfishly, but with all concerned and without hate in the mix. Not easy, but for the best outcome.
Please get back on tv. Or are you already? Someone give this woman all of the money. Your advice was ultimately: respect yourself. How many ejector seat affairs have saved a woman's whole damn life? Countless. Saved mind. Life is fleeting, love is fleeting, E Jean we need a show.
Not to be a killjoy, but "love" doesn't justify an utter lack of integrity. If you cheat on your spouse, then it's not up to you to decide whether or not your marriage needs to be "opened up" or they need to just kick your ass to the curb. That is up to them, and if they choose to keep you and forgive you, don't waste everybody's precious time acting like what you did wasn't a dishonest betrayal because "true love" somehow provides adequate explanation. Dig deep, find some humility, and then, whether or not they choose to keep you, go to freaking therapy. Jayzus.
"Passion stops being a pleasure when it stops being a secret." I consider that a probable truth. And I love the "reading." It feels like we're in the dining room together having a conversation over wine. Thank you, Auntie E.
This latest newsletter is one of the greatest flipping pieces of writing I’ve ever enjoyed!!!
Good lord. This is no longer a newsletter. It's morphed into a podcast, TV show. advice column, political commentary, and state of the world update all rolled into one. BRAVO!
Personally, I loved hearing your voice as there's a lot that cannot be conveyed by words alone. But the TV clip? Do you suppose Bill Boggs had (or has) any idea what was really going on? Did he realize how your questions set him up, or how his remarks and your refusal to take the bait he kept lobbing at you made him look? My favorite part was when you got him to do the kick. Priceless. And I agree with everyone else. We need to get you your very own show.
Back in a bit with my thoughts on In Love and In Trouble's quandary.
I'm laughing so hard I'm getting Charlie horses in my right butt cheek! I'm not kidding!
Oh man oh man. I adore you E. Jean! So priceless.
I've got no advice or opinion on the cheater lady. Not even the biggest cheaters list, EXCEPT for Zuckerberg. He's such an ass he just HAS to be besties with Tucker Carlson and Marjorie Taylor Greene! He's someone who'd for right in to that level of crazy!
Facebook down all those hours. I saw on the news he lost something like $6 billion- yes that's b-b-b-billion! I was like, oh big damn deal. $6B whoopdedoo! That's the loose change he takes outta his pocket and tosses in the coin bowl before bed, yeah? Considering he's still worth over $121 Billion I don't care about his little loss. However, being the soft hearted sap that I am, I'll try to tune up my micro violin and play him a sad song.
Pfffft.
First let me say that this was the BEST post since you started on Substack IMO,
and certainly the most entertaining!! The Bill Boggs clip was great and you looked wonderful!
Answering today’s question, it is not fair to your husband or to your lover’s wife to continue this; innocent people getting hurt is never a good thing. That being said, I understand human weakness and desire and excitement, but E Jean’s final piece of advice (to end it) was right.
I just want to add that I enjoyed the glimpse of the show more than I usually like Johnny Carson. You were and are amazing! Get back on some shows and talk about the "Conflab" and how much fun it all is!
Every woman deserves a grand passion. It is the juice of life. Having written that, in the end, honesty, integrity, and honor are everything. ps You have the snap crackle pop, E Jean.
Nice historical perspective! But is it really about her lover and her husband? People will go mad with two toddlers in the house.