Women Have To Do Everything

Hey E Jean!

I’m an RN and I work(ed) at a psych hospital in New Jersey. This past spring a male coworker leaned forward, and deliberately brushed his groin up against me as I walked by.

The following day I reported this to my manager. Her response?

"What do you want me to do about it? I can't fire someone just because you don’t like them! You're going to have to work with him so figure it out!"

I left her office in tears.

A month later she confronted me about something else, and, as "retaliation," she said she was now informing HR about my sexual harassment complaint. She probably did this to humiliate me because it was a way of forcing me to talk about my history of sexual assault.

When HR asked me about it, I lied. I said it didn’t happen—I didn’t have the strength to relive it. I ended up transferring to another unit so I wouldn’t have to work with the bad manager anymore, but the PTSD followed me.

Today I gave my notice. HR asked me about the harassment I had denied when I was forced to meet with HR months ago. I explained that I lied when I said the sexual assault didn’t happen because I didn’t want to relive it—but, I admitted, yes, the harassment continued.

So now, nine months later, they are going to start a huge investigation! No doubt the staff will cover for this manager because they too are afraid of her. I guess my question is this:

How do you come to terms with people not believing you? The friend/coworker who worked that night and my therapist believe me. I guess THIS is what we as women have to come to terms with: Don't report the assault because no one will believe you, but if you do report it, and they do believe you, they will eventually blame/shame you for not reporting it sooner or not reporting it correctly!—New Jersey Nurse

Good Heavens, New Jersey Nurse! You’re surprised that people don’t believe you?

As the great Isaac Asimov said, “Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.”

In fact . . .

Women are rarely believed.

Actually . . .

Men almost always deny sexually assaulting anyone, because sexual assaults are so difficult to prove. And if a woman is assaulted at work, and wants to