While I Was Away . . .

Dangerous Reader!

While I was away, two things happened: First, I created the Topless One-Minute Cheese Toasty:

Load cheese on slice of Dave’s bread.

Microwave 30 seconds.

Slather mustard.

Pickles.

Time: One minute.

And, also, this happened:

Needless to say, Dangerous Reader, I was so gobsmacked when I heard the news from CNN, I put down my truncated toasty in surprise!

It was so dazzlingly ludicrous!

So breathtakingly ridiculous!

(I picked the toasty up again, ate it, and made another, and ate that, don’t you worry!)

I wish I could report to you my conversations with Robbie Kaplan, the wiliest legal mind of her generation, and the woman who beat Trump twice in Federal Court—-not to mention repeatedly at the Court of Appeals, Second Circuit.

Those hilarious and terrifying little chats would make a great movie, lemme tell ya!

But because I can’t repeat our conversations, I will just tell you that I did not commit perjury. I did, however, vacuum the Hovel and scrub the toilet in the event the chaps who showed up at my door to cart me away needed to use the john.

During the deposition before the first trial, I was asked by Alina Habba Esq. how I was paying for my lawsuit against Trump. And I answered that it was a contingency case. I did not – during the stressful six hours of questioning—remember Reid Hoffman. Why? Perhaps because I never met him, spoke to him, or knew precisely what he was doing. When, afterward, I did remember that he was somehow involved, Robbie wrote to Judge Kaplan and to Trump’s lawyers informing them.

And Trump’s lawyers were given a second opportunity to depose me before trial.

Those are the facts. Here are Chris Matthews and Lisa Rubin, examining the evidence.

And here is Reid Hoffman’s vivid Substack about the case. It’s a humdinger:

Trump is investigating me to keep me quiet. I choose to speak up.

And if you want to see some dramatic scenes from the depositions—Ivy Meeropol’s very funny, very serious documentary is now in theaters.

And now, Dangerous Reader, because Trump and the DOJ picked on the wrong old woman….and because there was such a screaming, banging outcry, the boys have backed up and say there is no investigation. We will see . . .

I am telling you all this so I can hear what kind of cheese you’re gonna slap on that bread when you make your Topless Cheese Toasty…….and, of course, I would love to hear about YOUR last gobsmacking!

How I feel: