Where Have All the Erections Gone?

Dear Ms. E. Jean:

I have questions! I’m 28 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years. Our sex life and overall relationship were going good, but in the past year, like many people, I gained Covid weight and troubles began in the bedroom. My boyfriend had issues getting "it" up and we would go weeks without trying again. It became so stressful for him, he decided to end the relationship. He said he was “scared” he was “not able to please me anymore.”

After talking, we decided to try again, but with toys. It helped to get him up, but he said that watching porn helped also, so we might try that the next time. So we tried it with porn, and succeeded. But we both felt awkward because it didn't feel like it was just the two of us. He said that everything (toys and porn) “kinda stole the passion.” He said it “didn’t feel like whole sex.” I agreed.

Here I want to add that, because of my weight-gain, I'm totally conscious of what my body looks like, and I worry about it all the time. So the last time I tried to initiate sex, I felt concerned, like I was forcing him, and I stopped and said, “Let’s not force this anymore.”

He replied that “maybe he wasn’t sexually attracted” to me anymore; but that he “really loved” me. I pushed it and said that maybe we should break up. And he said yes, “for now, it was a good idea,” but that he wanted “to stay friends and still hang out because he doesn't want me to be out of his life.”

I said to him, “I hope we can someday reconnect and be together again.”

So. Could it just be my weight? I know he would never admit to it. He thanked me also for being kind and never bringing up his physical issue when we had fights—The Kind Girlfriend

READER! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

A few extra Covid pounds? Come on! I’m beginning to wonder if ANY man in America can produce a Usable Up-Righter?

The Kind Girlfriend’s letter combined with Katherine Hepburn’s letter, which caused such a ruckus in the Conflab two weeks ago, plus a flaccid stack of steamed-up complaints from women with male lovers (though nary a neg from women with female or bi lovers) has led your advice columnist to recall the dangerously radical playwright Olympe de Gouges, whose head was lopped off into a basket during the French Revolution after she goose-penned the “Declaration of the Rights of the Female Citizen."

So. As America is barreling towards several revolutions, (I would have said “heading towards” but out of respect for Olympe de Gouges, one of the great beauties and intellects of the 18th Century, I showed a split-second of restraint), I want to take a moment to look away from the mayhem in the House, the Senate, the courts, and the miscreant malcontents everywhere to present to you, Kind Girlfriend, and to you, Katherine Hepburn, and to all women with male lovers everywhere:

DECLARATION OF RIGHTS OF WOMEN IN BED

The right to feel sexy at any weight.

The right to long, slow, soft, rough, deep, dirty make-out sessions.

The right to a quick bouncy-bouncy on the dining room table.

The right to grow a bush an African Parrot could get lost in, and not look like a hairless 10-year-old girl.

The right to say “yes.” There's so much talk these days about "no," that saying "yes" gets lost in the kerfuffle.

 The right to be a virgin and not feel weird about it.

The right, if our partner agrees, to enjoy as many lovers as we wish.

The right not to be in the mood.

The right to be in the mood.

The right to clean sheets at our lover's digs.

The right to have every inch of our body . . .