Trapped in a Bad Porno

A Friday Quickie

Dear E. Jean:

I’ve met a wonderful guy. He’s smart, funny, considerate, and so incredibly hot I can’t even put it into words. I adore him! Things are great. Except the sex.

Technically, it’s good. He’s got an amazing body—but he’s a talker. He talks constantly, with descriptions about his, um, physical readiness, updates on how things are going, and even throws in a few “oh, babys” for good measure.

It drives me crazy! It’s getting to the point where I can’t stand it, and avoid sex so I don’t laugh. I feel like I’m in a bad porn movie. How can I make this work without hurting his feelings? —Quiet in Cali

Dear Cali:

Gag him.

Ravishing regards, 

E. Jean

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