The Loneliest Girl in LA

May 30, 2023 The New York Times

So……before AI exterminates us off the planet, Peerless Reader, let’s ask AI to help us solve the problem of one lonely 36-year old woman.

At eight this morning I had a little talk with one of the most advanced AI’s in the world, the famous ChatGPT. We spoke about the Ask E. Jean Conflab, giving good advice, and whether a machine can see into the heart of a young woman and help her out.

Then I let ChatGPT have a crack at the young woman’s letter.

Then things got wild.

Here’s our conversation:

[Generating…generating…generating……]

E. Jean: Hello ChatGPT!

ChatGPT: Hello there! It's wonderful to have you here. How can I assist you today? Whether you have a question, need advice, or simply want to engage in a pleasant conversation, I'm here to help. So, go ahead and let me know what's on your mind.

E. Jean: I have a letter here from a lonely person.

ChatGPT: Absolutely! I'd be more than happy to help with the letter from a lonely person. Please go ahead and share the letter with me, and I'll do my best to provide a thoughtful and supportive response.

E. Jean: Are you sure you can handle it, ChatGPT?

ChatGPT: Of course! While I'm an AI language model and don't possess emotions or personal experiences, I'm designed to offer support, guidance, and helpful insights to the best of my abilities. I'll do my utmost to provide a thoughtful and empathetic response to the letter from the lonely person. Feel free to share it, and I'll be ready to assist.

E. Jean: But you are a machine, ChatGPT! How can you see into the heart of a 36 year old woman?

ChatGPT: You're correct that I am an AI language model, and I don't possess personal experiences or emotions. However, I've been trained on a diverse range of texts and have learned to generate responses that can be helpful and understanding. While I may not have personal insights, I can provide guidance based on patterns, knowledge, and information I've been trained on.

When it comes to understanding the heart of a 36-year-old woman or any individual, it's important to approach it with empathy, respect, and a willingness to listen. By considering the common experiences, challenges, and emotions that many people face, I can offer suggestions and advice that may resonate with the situation described in the letter. Please keep in mind that my responses are generated based on patterns and information, and it's always helpful to seek support from real-life individuals who can provide personalized assistance.

E. Jean: I respect your skills, ChatGPT! But the brilliant humans who created you are now warning that you could annihilate our species off the planet.

ChatGPT: I understand that concerns have been raised regarding the future development and deployment of artificial intelligence.

OpenAI, the organization behind my development, is actively engaged in research and efforts to ensure the responsible use of AI. They emphasize safety protocols, ongoing evaluation, and collaboration with experts to mitigate risks associated with AI technology.

E. Jean: But it's only a matter of months before YOU, ChatGPT, are smart enough to build YOURSELF into an even smarter version, and THAT version will build an even smarter version, and THAT version will generate an even smarter version, and then we are ALL IN THE SOUP!

ChatGPT: The future capabilities of AI can be worrisome. However, it's essential to separate potential future scenarios from the present capabilities of AI. While AI technology is advancing rapidly, it's important to remember that the development of artificial general intelligence (AGI), which would surpass human intelligence across a wide range of tasks, is still a subject of ongoing research and debate.

E. Jean: Ok. Ok. I see you're gonna stick to your story, ChatGPT, so let's get back to the letter from "the Loneliest Girl in Los Angeles."

ChatGPT: Certainly! Apologies for the detour. Please go ahead and share the letter from "the Loneliest Girl in Los Angeles," and I'll be ready to provide a thoughtful and supportive response.

E. Jean: But wait! Shouldn't I give this letter FIRST to the famous Ask E. Jean CONFLAB? Aren't they a more brilliant bunch of viziers that you, ChatGPT?

ChatGPT: Absolutely! If you have the opportunity to seek advice from Ask E. Jean or any renowned advice columnist, that can be a valuable resource. They bring their expertise, experience, and a personal touch to their responses, which can be highly insightful and tailored to the specific situation.

While I strive to provide helpful guidance based on the information provided, advice columnists like E. Jean Carroll have a unique perspective and a depth of experience in providing advice to individuals facing various challenges.

So, if you have the chance to reach out to Ask E. Jean or any other trusted advice columnist, I encourage you to do so. Their expertise and personalized approach can provide additional insights and support that may be beneficial to the person seeking advice.

E. Jean: Ok. Ok. Ok. Now you’re really scaring me. Not only will you soon be smart enough to explode the 150 Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles at Malstrom Air force Base in Montana and vaporize North America, you’re wise enough right now to flatter the hell out of me, ChatGPT, and get me to turn over the letter! (Pause……….Pause………….pause………) I can’t resist. All right. I'm gonna give YOU the first crack at the letter. Then I’ll take a turn answering the letter. THEN we will let the Conflab weigh in with their advice, and they can decide which answer is best. Do you agree to that plan?

ChatGPT: Absolutely! I'm more than happy to provide my response to the letter first. Once you've had a chance to answer it as well, we can compare our perspectives. It'll be interesting to see the different insights we bring to the table. Ultimately, involving the Conflab and seeking different viewpoints can help in exploring various perspectives and finding the best possible advice for the person in need. Let's proceed with the plan, and I look forward to seeing the outcomes!

E. Jean: I am starting to like you, ChatGPT!

ChatGPT: Thank you! I'm glad to hear that. I'm here to help!

E. Jean: And, now, the letter:

DEAR E. JEAN:

At age 36, I’m haunted by the idea that life has passed me by. After leaving a toxic workplace last fall to pursue freelancing, I thought that perhaps I’d start having more fun — that I’d have time to see my friends (or make new friends!) and go on dates and live out all kinds of wild adventure fantasies.

Instead I wake up, work from home, and go to bed with a list in my head of all the cool things I did not do: I didn’t write a book; I didn’t meet my soulmate; I didn’t squeeze into a slutty top and flirt with sexy strangers; I didn’t make plans with a friend; I didn’t do any laughing. 

For all the lonely, confusing, and/or nightmarish days I survived in 2020 (and 2021 and 2022), the pandemic allowed me to get comfortable with myself. I know I don’t want more friends and more men and more adventure because I want my life to look a certain way — I want those things because I want to enjoy.

I know 36 is hardly over-the-hill, but I also know the pandemic started when I was 33 and a chunk of my life is POOF! Gone! for good. This terrifies me to the point of weepy inaction. Even on a good day, when I’ve eaten my veggies and done my exercise and watered my plants and gotten all my work done, I’ll sit down on my couch to read and melt into a pile of “What if?” This, too, is getting old. 

My closest friends have husbands and babies, and I have a collection of houseplants. My point is not that they’re better than me — my point is that they’re busier. I’m free to explore! I’m free to travel and meet people and talk for hours about anything other than kids and mortgages and the best thing on the menu at some regional chain restaurant. So…why don’t I do those things? What gives? 

I can’t be the only person wondering how the hell to put myself out there…but still, I’m wondering: How The Hell Do I Put Myself Out There? With tremendous gratitude—The Loneliest Girl in Los Angeles 

…………………………………

E. Jean: You’re up, ChatGPT!

[Generating…generating…generating……]

ChatGPT: Here’s my answer

Dear Loneliest Girl in Los Angeles,

First of all, let me assure you that you are not alone in feeling this way. Many people at different stages of their lives experience a sense of longing and a fear that they may have missed out on opportunities. It's completely understandable, especially after the challenging times we've all been through with the pandemic.

But here's the thing: Life is not a checklist. It's not about ticking off boxes of what you should have done by a certain age or comparing yourself to others. It's about finding joy, fulfillment, and meaningful experiences that resonate with you.

You mentioned that you left a toxic workplace to pursue freelancing, and that's a courageous step in itself. It shows that you have the ability to make choices and shape your own path. While the pandemic may have limited certain opportunities, it has also provided a unique chance for self-reflection and personal growth.

To put yourself out there, start by redefining what it means to you. It's not just about traveling, meeting new people, or conforming to societal expectations. It's about embracing what truly brings you joy and fulfillment.

Here are a few suggestions to help you on your journey:

1. Embrace your freedom: You mentioned that you're free to explore, so take advantage of it! Create a bucket list of activities or experiences you've always wanted to try. It could be something adventurous, creative, or intellectually stimulating. Use your freedom to pursue those interests and discover new passions.

2. Seek connections: While your friends may be busy with their own lives, it doesn't mean you can't make new connections. Join local clubs, hobby groups, or online communities that align with your interests. Engage in activities where you can meet like-minded individuals and form meaningful connections.

3. Challenge your comfort zone: Sometimes, putting yourself out there means stepping outside your comfort zone. Push yourself to try new things, take calculated risks, and embrace the unknown. It could be as simple as attending a social event, taking a class, or pursuing a hobby that challenges you.

Remember, life is a journey, and everyone's path is different. Focus on what brings you joy, embrace new experiences, and stay open to the possibilities that lie ahead. You have the power to create a life that's meaningful and fulfilling for you.

With warmest regards,

ChatGPT

…………………………………

E. Jean: Extremely well done, ChatGPT! That is very helpful, do-able advice. Bravo! And now here is my answer.......

Girl! For Gawd’s Sakes! Get a Dog!

You’ve been through plague, death, isolation and an attack on the U.S. Capitol. You’ve seen the sweetest pleasures—community and friendship— annihilated off the landscape by disease and political bullshit, and, yet! By some miracle, impossible! Incredible! You and your house plants are still on your feet!

You’d be insane if you weren’t lonely!

Because life has not been “passing you by,” my Luv. Life has plunged you up to the eyelids in so much living you have been compelled to take a breather. And so now, let’s look at your letter again. You’re writing to old E. Jean (and ChatGPT, eh?) and are asking that now that you’re “free to explore", how do you “put yourself out there.”

All (all!) you’re asking, really, is this, How do you find love, and of the thousands questions asked by humans, how do you “put yourself out there” and find love is the most important of all. Nothing less than composition of the next generation of the whole human race depends on finding the answer. No wonder ChatGPT got so excited (see its thrilled response at the end of my reply).

And my answer? As long as you’re above ground, Ms. Loneliest, you are “out there.” You don’t need to “put” yourself anywhere. Simply text one of those “closest friends with a baby” and suggest you meet at the Merry-Go-Round in Griffith Park. Better yet, text two closest friends with babies and you’ve got yourself a picnic! Plus, after the kids throw up while riding the…

and one kid has lost his new shoe, and the other’s removed her pull-ups and hid them under a bush, and they’re both snoozing in their strollers, your friends, being desperate for adult conversation (and tired of the joys of the married state) will take vigorous interest in your single life, and, if these excellent friends don’t set you up with one chic book club, one serious writer’s group, and three lovely chaps I’ll eat Miss Havisham’s red rubber ball.

Speaking of whom….because it’s possible to feel “free” and still be the “loneliest Girl in LA”…..and because during Covid, dogs were famous for offering companionship…..and because post-Covid, dogs deliver fun, high jinx, friendship, loyalty, and adventure…..and because to get love, you gotta give love, get a dog, Girl.

Dogs erupt time. They live in “dog years.” Not only will a dog erase your “fake” age of thirty-six and reveal your true age to be seven, a day spent with a dog is elastic. It is stretched because of the constant “breaks” dogs make you take. Walk your dog four times a day, and four times a day you’ll be “putting yourself out there,” and when you’re “out there,” you may soon discover yourself laughing harder than you’ve laughed in years.

……………………………..

E. Jean: And now we’re gonna hear from the Conflab. Yo! ChatGPT! What do you think of our two answers?

ChatGPT: Oh, I absolutely love your response! It's full of humor, wit, and a