Purls Before Swine

The Great Knitting Wars Get Ugly on Ask E. Jean

Crafty Reader, Are You a Knitter? A Crocheter? A Fiber Artist?

Of course you are!

Would You Insult a Friend’s Project?

No? Welll, listen to this:

Just when we’d all managed to purl our way through the Pussy Hat Purges, the Trump-Pattern Tumult and the Racist-Yarn Entanglements, and have all come out of those battles stronger, smarter, warmer knitters—just when we thought we were out, “Ms. Unraveled” pulls us back in:

Dear E. Jean:

When I told my friend I was flattered to be knitting a "Harry Potter" sweater for my son's girlfriend—at her request—my friend responded, "She's just trying to get your approval. Nobody really wants one of those sweaters."

My friend and I are both Vogue Knitting knitters. Is she cynical? Or, passive-aggressive? And, do I really need to keep a frenemy because Covid has made making new friends more difficult? —Unraveled

Unraveled, My Rutabaga:

Hell’s Bells, Woman, the only reason to knit—besides lowering your blood pressure, sharpening your brain, managing your weight, improving your sleep, boosting your mood, sparking your sex life, entertaining your cat, clothing your body, reducing your death rate, lengthening your attention span, making pants for your dog, controlling your anxiety, soothing your soul, and delighting yourself— is doing it with friends.

Upon receiving your letter, to whom did I turn? Who helped me out with this yarn? Who dropped everything—and when I say “dropped everything” I mean IMPORTANT MATTERS like Joyce sending photos of her chickens and Mary

lining up some guy named Vindman for her podcast, i.e. I texted my knitting circle about your problem, Unraveled, and what happened? The perfect call with Vindman was put on hold, and they leapt in, needles aflame:

Joyce White Vance: OMG!!

Jen Taub: I have thoughts… The friend has no way of knowing whether her projected feelings reflect what the girlfriend feels. Furthermore, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your boyfriend’s mom’s approval (and a sweater).

Joyce White Vance: And the answer is: the girlfriend ABSOLUTELY wants the Harry Potter sweater. I would kill for one. Whether it’s the basic Weasley initial sweater or more complicated, these sweaters are awesome. I’d finish it and do a photo shoot with the girlfriend’s beaming face and then casually share them with the killjoy.

Katie Phang: She wants the sweater. I want the sweater. I’ll take the sweater if the girlfriend doesn’t want it.

Joyce White Vance: [Posting a Harry Potter sweater from Ravelry.]

Jen Taub: Now I want the sweater too!

Joyce White Vance: Most knitters are lively, supportive, charming friends, but this person seems to have stumbled off the path.

Jen Taub: The bigger question is does the writer have any other friends? I mean, what a negative nelly that nattering nabob knitter is.

Joyce White Vance: Living well is always the best revenge, right?

Jen Taub: Yes. Maybe the friend is depressed about something. Or maybe there’s more to the story about the girlfriend.

Mary Trump: I would also kill for this sweater. Not that that’s a hint or anything. 

Marissa Rothkopf: My daughter would do anything for this Harry’s cardigan.

---

As would I, Sprightly Reader. When I was seven, my Ma sat me down at the kitchen table and taught me to knit.

“What should I make?” I said, thrilled.

Ma ruminated.

“We’ll make bandages for the soldiers in Korea!” said Ma.

Now, what a poor chap freezing in 10 degrees below zero in a Korean foxhole during Operation Thunderbolt would want with an 11-inch long piece of knitting that looked like something the cat killed and dragged under the house, is beyond me; but Ma and I sent it off to General MacArthur or President Truman, I don’t remember which, and it started me on my life-long joys of knitting jaunt.

In a minute, Excited Reader, I will show you the sweaters I knit for my husbands. Then we’ll take a look at the projects going on in my knitting circle, and, most delectably, we’ll hear about what the Conflabbers are working on; but first, Ms. Unraveled, here’s your definitive Ask E.Jean answer: