In Gay We Trust

An Ask E. Jean Classic

Dear E. Jean:

I'm a 24-year-old grad student with absolutely no relationship experience. Living in a highly conservative (think "Fox News is too liberal” and Robert E. Lee photos on the wall "conservative") family, I've spent my life doing everything possible to hide the fact I'm gay, all the while hoping somehow I was not. I've come to terms with the fact that I am, and that's not going to change, but I still have to hide it.

In fact, just hiding it isn't good enough. At home, I "must be gay” if I'm not actively lusting after and borderline sexually-harassing women. It's exhausting. Coming from a small Alabama town, I've never had the chance to tell anyone.

I've never been on a date, never been kissed. I've never even been hugged romantically, and I'm a very hugg-y kind of person. I finally left home and town a year ago to start grad school, and I've probably met more people in a few months than I had in the previous 23 years of my life. The freedom I have now is a…