"I Need Your Help Getting Horny Again"

Racy Reader!

The doctors may not take our correspondent seriously, but we do!

Dear E. Jean:

I’ve always loved sex. My husband and I have had wonderful, adventurous, and naughty sexual escapades with each other. Then I went into menopause. And now no doctor takes me seriously about needing help with getting horny again. It’s absolutely physical. My husband is still the sexiest man on the planet. Why does no one talk about this? —Wanting to Scream!

Scream, My Snapdragon:

If there’s one thing we talk about around here, it’s things no one talks about.

So, my dear Ms. Scream, you’re about to receive advice from the Conflab. The Conflabbians are kind and honorable. The Conflabbians are cunning and sharp. And, as soon as the Conflabbians stop enjoying their own libidinous lulling-and-rolling about, and look at your question, they will, I am sure, give you such sly, hot-to-trot, do-able advice about “getting horny again,” it will cause half the quacks in America to go back to med school.

But……..before I turn you over to the Conflab, I have a few ideas. I call ‘em

1. Intercourse is for amateurs. GET FUNKY!

2. Scream Creams do not work. Any company asking you to give them $89 and to rub their concoction on your clitoris for fifteen minutes is lying. Hell, if you rub 14 cents-worth of Crisco on your clitoris for fifteen minutes you will orgasm.