"I Just Want To Be Pursued!"

Sweet and Indulgent Reader!

Help me out here. I don’t have the patience.

✽✽✽

E. Jean! Hi! Huge Fan!

My question: I’m male—whatever that means. I’m not particularly attracted to other males, and I’m not particularly attracted to women.

(Except for you, obviously. Nobody is immune to your charms, E. Jean.)

I’m really only attracted to people who are attracted to me. I don’t want to be the pursuer in a relationship, but I’m also not submissive. I just want to be pursued.

I’m attracted to attraction. It’s almost like unless someone pursues me, I’m not interested, but if they pursue me expecting me to be submissive, then they won’t be interested when they find out I’m not.

I’m not half bad to look at, so it’s not like nobody is interested in pursuing me, but its almost as if someone pursues me they won’t be interested and if I have to pursue them then I won’t be interested. Does this mean nobody is interested in me? I try to be a good person and I’d really like someone to be interested. Is this a thing?

I’m married but it’s just not a good fit. She’d like me to be submissive and we just end up butting heads. Have you heard of this before??

What am I? And is there some way out of this?

—Enigma Man

Enigmaramus: My Dear Chap:

If you want someone to be interested in you, show interest in them.

If wish someone to pursue you, runnnnnnnn.

If you yearn to send me another pile of navel-gazing offal, don’t.

P.S.

If you’d like “some way out of this,”