Hot for Teacher

Reader! O Flower and Paragon of Advice!

Here’s a letter from a woman who can’t quite figure out how to weather the storms of wild desire

Dear E. Jean:

At 50 I am reveling in the passion between my piano teacher and me. We briefly acknowledged a “certain tension,” with me joking that “in the old days I’d have bedded you in no time.” But he is the best damn teacher ever, and his daughter has said I’ve given him a new focus. She called me a “gifted older student.” Even though he’s in the teacher role, and the same age as I am, I have as much sovereignty in the relationship because I own my sexual power. I have a strong allure.

From the first movement he saw me, he seemed goo-goo, and let me know it in his way. I am a sensual woman—which I downplay in any professional setting, i.e. wearing non-revealing clothing and being a goddess with my strength.

However, we are connected musically and I consider him my peer. I don’t idolize him; but I ‘get’ him. He is respectful of my husband (and so am I); but yeah, it’s morally wrong, yadda yadda, but humans find each other attractive outside marriage, let’s be real.

It’s whether or not you act on it. And this is about stuffing down feelings and dealing with them.

As well as private lessons, I attend group classes where he’s professional with all students, but people have picked up that we are close. I love being teacher’s pet. I did a mental test of how I would feel if he showed another woman any of the same attention—and I failed! I would be as jealous as a 15 year old. Human nature!

Still, he has a way of being so intimate in his conversation that we end up sharing ideas and coming up with business plans together which surprises us both. Last year, I injured my hand and we moved, and I had no contact with him for several months. I thought about him, and was so happy when he called to say he could take me on again as he was teaching in the area.

So it started again. I was curious to see if the sleeping sexual snake would unfurl again, and, my gosh! It’s ready to strike! So, I am trying to put my energy into learning—not fantasizing. He really does inspire me, and all these feelings are mixed up in my music. I can’t bear the thought of not having him as a teacher! I don’t think he would want to lose me as a student; but I am aware that I need his attention so I am wondering what he is giving me that I am not getting elsewhere?

I accept his compliments and give him same. We try to maintain a professional rapport but I am getting a bit exhausted not acting on my sexual desires. I think we both realize it would be a disaster if we did. He would lose a student, and his musical mistress and I would be bereft and lose my anchor to my music.

We have inspired each other beyond belief, but in reality—? I know I am having an emotional affair—one which my husband is patiently waiting to dissipate. And so am I. But weekly contact just inflames me as I pound out my desire on the keyboard. It’s doing my head in! I guess I want to say all of this to him. He is a highly sexual male who matches my sexuality, who loves my attention as well, so what else is there to say?

Can mature consenting adults move past this? I hope one day to drift into the friends zone, but at what cost? The mere thought brings me to tears. I made a vow never to do unrequited love again, yet I am losing weight over this. He calls me querida, which means loved by another, or mistress—and this to me, acknowledges that he loves me from a distance too. I wish it were a movie where we could make love with abandon, no consequences. But I have been on both sides of an affair, and it is heartache all around. So, alas, I am trying to be ‘good’.

P.S. To add to the complexity, he asked me to be his choir manager, a paid gig. I figure this could go two ways: we cruise along in a solid working relationship and finally get over the lust—or, we end up fighting and it all goes to shit. I have to ask myself, how did I get here? I guess I was basking in attention which I didn’t know I was needing, and surprisingly (!) this was returned by someone who needed it too, and in spades. —Trying To Be Good

My Amorous Gooseberry,

Ahhhhhh. Mr. Goo-Goo will never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never live up to your hopes.

You are imagining this ⬇️

And this ⬇️

However, what with your sleeping snakes “unfurling,” my luv—I doubt whether Beethoven himself could cool off your keyboard. But at least we know why you’re writing to me. You’re writing cuz you are leading one of the greatest, moistest, most agonizingly marvelous fantasy lives in Ask E. Jean history—and I am the one advice columnist in the world who can be absolutely 100% counted on to shove a 50-year old woman who is quivering with lust, tremulous with weight loss, and teetering on the fiery edge of temptation, straight over the edge…….but WAIT!

The Conflab, on the other hand, is ALSO here to advise you about your music, your marriage, your vow “never to do unrequited love again.”

Note: What’s the Conflab? It’s the colossally brilliant braintrust of Ask E. Jean commenters—the wise men and women who spur the timid, guide the reckless, spank the cruel, flog the treacherous, flatten the braggarts, and flagellate the assholes.

So here’s the program:

I will, as expected, tell you to do it. Then the Conflab will tell you to not do it, or do it, or to maybe do it, or to do it over their dead bodies. And as you are a bright woman who’s putting herself through more agony thinking about doing it or not doing while continually fantasizing about the bawdiest, boffingest love affair of all time, read on:

So, do it.

But here’s the thing: