E. Jean's Field Guide to Jerkballs

Weekend Sports Edition

Hail, Reader! I have always been an avid Jerkball watcher. Many a happy hour have I wiled away observing Jerkballs (an order of Nincompoopus Masculinis) both in the wild, and in Washington.

The Jerkball’s plumage and habits are some of the most intriguing and dangerous in nature.

Of course I am not alone in this fascinating pursuit. Women all over the world are identifying new species of Jerkballs every day—(I am working on a Jerkball tranquilizer gun, so that we’ll be able to shoot and tag the buggers). But till then, even veteran Jerkball Watchers will be astounded at these rare finds.

The Smooth-Tailed Hummingdick

Creepus Swipephallus

Field Marks: Thumbs the size of drumsticks (the better to text lies with).

Where Found:

Breeds mainly on Tinder, OK Cupid, Plenty of Fish.