Adios, Asshole!!

Har! Look what I just ran across:

Dear E. Jean:

My boyfriend went to Mexico with two friends for a getaway. I surprised him by picking him up at the airport, and I'll be damned if he didn't get off the plane with a new wife, both of them smiling and pulling the expensive luggage I bought him for Christmas! He says he now realizes his mistake and promises to get an annulment and marry me. Should I give him another­ chance?—Missed Being Mrs.

Missed My Mexican Marigold:

It's the words "pulling the luggage I bought him" that kill me. Refrain from giving him anything except the bill for the L. Vuitton and an ebullient “Adios, Asshole!” (2007, “Ask E. Jean,” which I found last night on the floor, after my cat, Vagina T. Fireball, knocked over a 4-foot stack of elderly Elles. And by the by, all those dewy young models in the pages of those old Elles are OUR age now! Ha!)

Yeeeee gawds, my darlings!

Let’s celebrate the exuberance of our “So longs!” Let’s sing of our shameless joy in yelling “Screw you!”


What’s your most brilliant break-up?

Was it from a dickwad? Or a job? Or five pounds of flab? Or a bad habit? Or a hideous project? We’d all lurve to hear about it!

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