A Little Personal News

E. Jean Carroll

Jun 13, 2025

2,104

297

364

I have been keeping a secret.

A secret is a powerful thing.

My secret gave me control over Trump.

I knew something Trump didn’t.

I knew that the goings-on behind the scenes of the two trials were so funny, so absurd, so juicy . . . I knew that I had been caught in the middle of a high comedy with a cast of characters that not even Jonathan Swift could have dreamed up . . . I knew that the plot (a kid grows up in the sticks of Indiana, becomes a cheerleader, a beauty queen, and a journalist, runs into Trump at Bergdorf’s, was afraid to tell anybody what happened, found her voice at the age of 76, went to trial at 80, and beat him——twice) was delicious . . . I knew that two lawyers on the Carroll team fell in love (!) . . . I knew that Judge Lewis Kaplan’s courtroom was the greatest runway in the world and that Trump’s most beautiful attorney Alina Habba, Esq. walked it wearing a diamond as big as a Ritz cracker and that his other lawyer, Joe Tacopina walked it in $6,000 suits and that my lawyer, Robbie Kaplan walked it like Alexander the Great conquering Persia. . . I knew that I dressed for battle and that my Vivian Westwood shoes had toes so pointed I could have removed Trump’s spleen with them . . . I knew that we had evidence that Trump ran into Jeffrey Epstein shortly after the Bergdorf’ attack and “regaled” Epstein with the details . . . I knew that Trump wrote a book that gave his helpful tips for “shopping in Bergdorf’s” . . . and I knew that if I wrote it all down exactly as it happened, it would give people a good laugh and lift everyone’s spirits AND prick his little balloon of hot air.

I wanted to tell the Conflabbians first, of course, but Jessica Bennett revealed the “secret book” in a brilliant piece this morning in New York magazine.

So, Conflabbians, if anyone knows how to laugh in the face of one of the most powerful persons on earth, it’s our bunch of ornery book-reading, book-writing, opinionated hellions. Let’s signal to book sellers that pricking Trump’s little balloon is not difficult.

Here’s where to pre-order

Oh. I forgot to tell you the title!!